Spaced of the Dead
by JessicaDwyer
Summary: This is really a Spaced, Black Books, Shaun crossover. It's a little bit of everything. It also stars dopplegangers of myself and my fellow PeggLeggs. What happens when zombies take over the Spaced universe and Tim Bisley and Co have to join forces with


**Disclaimer: I love Simon Pegg. I love Black Books and I love Spaced. I also love Shaun of the Dead. There's a lot of love here. This love has spilled over into this Fanfic, which combines all of these things. It also contains doppelgangers of myself and my fellow Fangirls. This was written a year or so ago and was actually given to Simon Pegg as a gift. He said he enjoyed it and shared it with some of the Shaun cast members. God help me. But he didn't sue, so Yay! Anyway, this is a complete story that has a sequel I'm working on. But for right now, enjoy. Worship the mighty Pegg.**

Chapter 1

Daisy Steiner was not having the best of days. If the nerves and psychosis of going to another in an endless line of job interviews wasn't enough, she had to deal with a late tube.

It was the dead of summer and the underground was not the best place to be, add to that the smell of something beyond foul and she felt like she was going to barf day glow all over the guy standing next to her. He didn't look well anyway. He reminded her of what Tim had looked like last week after coming back from a comic book convention where he'd tried to drink his own weight in beer. It hadn't been pretty and it had lasted till Tuesday.

By the time the train arrived, she could have walked to the bloody building. As it was she managed to squeeze in to the already packed car, running past the man who'd been standing next to her. As she was squished up against the closing doors, her face pressed into the clear window she saw that he hadn't really moved from where he was standing.

When the train started to pull out, as Daisy watched, the guy's eyes rolled up in his head and he fell to the concrete floor hard. Daisy's eyes widened as the man just crumpled. Even if the guy was pissed to the extreme, that would have hurt. A couple of people moved to his side, apparently to see if he was okay. Daisy kept her eyes on him till the train turned the corner and he was out of sight.

Meanwhile...

Back at the flat, Tim Bisley was busy getting ready to head into work. Bilbo was running a massive sale this week, to make room for the new stock that always hit for Christmas time. That meant inventory...which beget late hours. He'd been at the shop the day before till nearly nine o'clock at night and he was knackered.

He emerged from his bedroom sporting a pair of baggy khaki pants and a black t-shirt that said in blood red letters: "I was pounded by Buffy" with an image of a stake below the words. His blonde hair was its usual mess and he just didn't care enough to try and fix it. He stumbled into the kitchen and started a desperate search for coffee, tea wouldn't cut it today.

After much cursing and moaning aloud he found the canister of brown, granulated mana. He'd just got the mug filled and was bringing it to his lips when Mike burst through the door of the apartment crying out "Tim! Are you still here?" This of course caused Tim to spew hot coffee forth like a geyser.

"For fuck's sake!" He said, dribbling. "Yes I'm here!" He sat the mug down on the countertop and grabbed a towel to wipe off his shirt and chin. "Why the hell did you just kick the door in? You've got a bloody key!"

"No time mate." Mike's eyes were huge behind his tinted glasses and gleaming with a manic glee that always made Tim nervous. "Have you seen the news? Have you heard?"

"About what? I just woke up like half an hour ago." Tim tossed the soggy rag into the sink.

Mike bounded over to the television, flipping it on and turning up the volume. Tim followed him over and flopped down on the couch with a sigh, Mike joined him. His friend was practically humming with excitement.

A steely grey haired newsman popped on the screen, his face gravely set. "Reports have been coming in from around the London area, all with the same similar tone." His voice was steady and non-emotional. "Attacks by what appear to be, well what one person described as a zombie. I don't know if that's the technical term or not." At this he gave an actual short laugh, but quickly reverted back to bland newsman mode. "In any case, numerous reports of people who appear to have pallid skin and vacant eyes have flooded the station."

"What's going on?" A low voice spoke, causing Mike and Tim to jump and squeal like school girls, holding onto one another. There stood a tall, gangly figure with dark hair and vacant, hollow eyes. His skin was pale and slightly waxy.

"Oh hey Brian." Tim said in a normal voice, letting go of Mike and turning back to the TV. "Don't quite know." he replied.

The newsman continued. "They seem to be almost asleep, but are attacking others. Deaths have also been reported from these attacks; in some cases the attackers are...eating their victims."

Tim's mouth fell open...his mind processing what he'd just heard.

"We here at the station have been told to advise all residents of the London area to refrain from leaving your homes. If you find yourself in a situation with one of these...infected individuals, we have been told that removing the head or destroying the brain is the only way to stop them. Let me repeat that..."

They droned out the rest. Mike turned to Tim, his eyes blazing with that crazy light. "Did you hear that mate? Did you hear?"

Tim's eyes started to come to life with that same crazy light. "It's happened...it's really happened..." he said, voice filled with awe. Brian backed slowly away from the two men on the couch, his dark eyes wide and growing more and more scared. He started murmuring to himself, something about "Mommy...why...

Mike nodded. "That's right my friend, the living dead are real and..." From nowhere he pulled out an Uzi, slotting in a clip. "They're here."

Tim's face changed from one of shock to one of demented semi-glee, his gaze now nearly glowing in the light from the television. He stuck his hand under the couch and pulled out a pump action shot gun, loading the chamber with a resonate click. His voice when he spoke was low and dangerous. "Groovy..."

A look of stark terror crossed Brian's already pained features.

Chapter 2

Daisy's interview actually held a light of promise. As she walked out the front doors of the older office building that was home for Fangirl magazine she had a spring in her step. Maybe this once things would work out for her and she'd get a steady gig. And the people were nice, especially that Kristi girl. Even for a Yank she was an alright gal. And that Jessica girl was cool too. She'd always liked that name, Jessica. Classy that was. Then there was Slick and Leks, their pen names of course. Couple of bad girls from the look of them, but very nice.

Tim would probably naw off his own arm for a chance with one of these girls, or even all of them at once (at this she shuddered and shook the image quickly from her mind.) They reminded her a bit of that Sophie gal, but in their cases she actually liked them and they seemed to have a personality. She actually knew a lot of the stuff they were talking about and what they wrote about thanks to the time she'd been around Tim. Yep, if she got the job he'd be a happy camper with all the sci-fi stuff she'd suddenly have access to and all the goodies she'd no doubt be able to get him.

Daisy was smiling as she walked down the sidewalk, her mind lost in happy thoughts of employment, until her ears were bombarded with the sounds of sirens going off suddenly. She hadn't noticed how thoroughly deserted the streets were until she really looked. Suddenly she was reminded of that movie Tim had made her watch some months ago, that he'd bitched the whole way through about "the fucking undead do not move that fast!" or something to that effect. There was hardly anyone about her and she suddenly felt very alone.

When the guy grabbed her from behind she yelped and elbowed him as hard as she could in the gut out of instinct. When she turned around and saw that the top right part of his head was missing, like he'd been shot, she nearly lost the bit of breakfast she'd had that morning. "What the hell?" She said aloud, and then noticed that there were a couple more of the headless wonders shambling up behind the one that grabbed her. Her eyes widened and she decided to quickly head back the way she'd came.

She ran as fast as she could, until her sides hurt and she was panting like Colin on a hot day. She came to the thick glass doors of the concrete building and punched the buzzer on the door. Kristi's chipper voice answered her. "Can I help you?"

"Dais…Daisy Steiner…I just interviewed with you." She managed to pant out, looking behind her for signs of the shambling minions. Cars were driving by incredibly fast, and she realized just how panicked the people in them looked.

"Hey Daisy, come on in." The sound of that buzzer was the most beautiful noise she'd heard all day. She quickly pushed the door open and shut it with a satisfying click, scanning the street outside for anymore of the things. She took the stairs two at a time and headed up to the fourth floor offices.

When she came through the door the heads of all the girls looked up to find her shaking and pale. "Daisy, are you okay?" Kristi asked coming around from the desk, concern in her eyes.

"He didn't have a head!" Daisy cried out, "Well…he had a head, but there wasn't much left of it."

The girls looked at her like she'd just sprouted another head herself. Jessica came around the side of her cubicle after popping the last thumb tack into her James Marsters poster. "Daisy, gal, are you alright? Who didn't have a head?" Her southern accent slipped out and she sounded like a concerned distant relative of a cast member from HeeHaw.

"The guy who just grabbed me! They're everywhere and everyone is looking crazed. What's going on!"

Kristi slipped an arm around her shoulder, thinking that she'd just been attacked by some nutcase. Slick pulled out a bottle of Jack Daniels from her desk drawer along with a Planet Hollywood shot glass. She poured some into the glass and then handed it over to Daisy who quickly drowned it. Jack worked his magic and she calmed down after a slight cough.

Kristi led her over to a chair and she sat down. Leks and Slick joined Jessica to stand next to her. "So what happened?" Leks asked.

"This guy just attacked me. I could see his flipping brain. And then I noticed that everyone's like…gone. And the people I did see looked terrified. Do any of you know what's happening?" Daisy's wide eyes searched the faces of the girls around her.

"Well…we really aren't set up to go yet. Our computers are here but the office isn't really wired for phones or internet until next week." Jessica looked around. "I did bring in my radio though, but we've been so busy we've not been listening to anything." She went over to her cube and pulled her radio out and flipped it on.

As the group of girls listened in shocked silence, a repeat of what Tim and Mike had heard before was relayed to them.

"Fuck me…it's Day of the Dead for real." Slick said, voicing the other Fangirl's thoughts aloud.

"And no Bruce Campbell in sight." Jessica said. "Frack."

At the mention of the name Bruce Campbell, Daisy sat up. "I have to call Tim and see if everyone's alright."

Leks reached into her jeans pocket and pulled out her cell phone. "Here ya go."

Daisy thanked her and quickly dialed the number to the flat. It rang and rang, and then Brian picked up. "Hello..?" His voice said uncertainly into the phone.

"Brian! It's Daisy…is everything okay?"

"Daisy…" He sounded more than a little weird, weird even for Brian.

"Yes Brian Daisy. Remember me?"

There was the sound of shuffling and voices and then the obvious grabbing of the phone away from Brian. "Daisy! Where are you!" Tim's voice asked loudly.

Slick had gone over to the windows and looked down out onto the street at this point. Her eyes were wide. "Shit gals…I think we might be in trouble."

Jessica and Kristi walked over to peer out with her, followed by Leks and Daisy. She was still holding the phone, her mouth open, but no sound coming out.

Below them on the street were the beginnings of a mob. The shambling horde had grown now to about twenty in various stages of damage and decay. They were moving closer to the building's entrance, as if knowing that there were people inside, nice warm living people.

"Oh god.." Daisy breathed into the phone.

"What? What's going on Daisy…where are you?" Tim's voice was going higher as he became more agitated. The sound of Mike yelling at Brian in the background was quite clear.

"Well…" She turned away from the scene out front. She couldn't handle actually seeing them right then. "I'm trapped really. I'm trapped at Fangirl Magazine."

"Did you say Fangirl's?" Tim's voice went from high pitch concern to a low whisper of high interest.

"Did you say Fangirl's?" Mike was suddenly at Tim's side, his eyebrows raised in curiosity.

"Yes Fangirl Magazine. The sci-fi mag I went to interview at today?" Daisy could tell she was losing him to thoughts of females with whom he could converse about Star Trek and who would not laugh in his face. "That parts not what is important right now Tim. What's important is that I'm trapped along with four other girls in this building. We've got these…zombies down on the street and they are going to find a way to get in."

She heard mumbling. A mixture of Tim and Mike's voices, and then Tim was back on the phone. "We're coming over." He said.

Daisy's eyes got even wider. "What! No you are not. Call the police or something. Tell them where we are."

"Can't…the lines are tied up for emergency." He said with finality.

"Tim just keep Colin safe and…"

"Shut it Daisy." He said, interrupting her. "Me, Brian, and Mike are heading out in the van and we'll get you out of there."

"It's too risky!" She pleaded again.

Mike's voice bellowed over the phone. "We're coming to get you Daisy!"

Chapter 3

Tim and Mike had to bodily drag Brian to the entrance of the flat. He'd armed himself with a very…interesting piece of sculpture a friend of his had given him some years ago. It was heavy and it would do some damage to a skull. It was also shaped like a very large phallus.

Mike had just stood there open mouthed when he'd seen it, while Tim had outright laughed for a full minute. Brian stood there mutely, holding onto the thing and not saying a word.

Now as they prepared to go into the fray and rescue Daisy and the girls, the three would be hero's had turned serious. "Any of em out there?" Mike asked Tim as they tried to peer out the windows of the flat.

Tim scoped out the street from the window. It had been relatively clear when they had gone up to see Marsha and hand Colin over to her to watch, as well as some extra protection from any encroaching horde.

Bisley let out a snort. "Yeah, looks like there's about five of em right by the van. I think they got the paperboy." He'd seen what appeared to be a red sleeved arm sticking out from behind the shrubbery and a bicycle lying on its side.

He heard Mike slip the clip home into the Uzi. "Let's do it."

Tim stood up readying his gun. "Let's."

They both looked at Brian whose eyes were wider than they had ever seen them. He made a sound very similar to something they'd heard Beaker say on The Muppet Show and then nod. Assuming that was an affirmative, Tim opened the door and led the way to the van.

The zombies looked up from their now cold dinner at the scent of live, warm food coming towards them. A moaning growl came from them as the staggered up, dripping the entrails and chunks of left over paperboy from their hands and chins, moving towards Tim and company.

"Have a bite of peach." Tim said in a voice that would have made Clint Eastwood proud. He'd always wanted to say it and with a gleam in his eye he shot the zombie closest to him in square in the head. It fell like a stone to the ground, its head resembling a watermelon that had fallen from a 6 story window.

Mike was taking out two of the others, a war cry erupting from his throat as he filled them full of holes. Tim quickly pumped the empty shell out of his gun. "Mike come on! I think you got em!" He called over to his friend.

Brian on the other hand was not enjoying himself like his comrades. He'd managed to bop the remaining zombie upside the head with his…weapon…but things were not going well. The zombie was now seemingly pissed and deflecting his attempts to hit it, while snarling and snapping at him. Brian was backing away from the thing while swinging at it when he tripped on a tree root and fell onto the ground hard.

The zombie was closing in when a shot rang out and the undead things head blew apart. Brian looked up towards the top floor of the flats. There was Marsha, a sniper rifle balanced on the window seal. She picked up her wine glass from beside her and with a cocked brow and a smile toasted him and took a swig of her drink.

Brian couldn't stop the shiver that ran down his spine at the thought of her actually aiming that thing in his direction. But she'd saved his life. With a strained half smile he gave her a wave of thanks and hurriedly ran to the van.

Chapter 4

Daisy and the girls were getting more and more worried by the minute. To alleviate some of the stress Kristi and Leks had decided to start playing pool on the table in the break room. Daisy had been suitably impressed at this little perk. Kristi had laughed, "Gotta have priorities my dear."

While they played Jessica decided it might be a good idea to head down stairs and make sure all the entrances to the bottom floor were secure. As far she knew there was the front entrance and a service entrance in the back. The zombies would have a hell of a time getting through the safety glass front doors, so she wasn't too terribly worried about that one. What worried her was the fact that there may have been a way in that they didn't know about.

Since none of them were armed and there was no one else in the building, they'd have to do this themselves it seemed. Jess walked over to the pool cue holder that was attached to the wall and grabbed down a hefty stick, twirling it deftly.

"So what are you now, Raphael?" Slick asked her, taking a swig of the Jack Daniels.

"For your information, it was Donatello that had the staff. Raphael was the one with the sai's." Jess replied with a touch of pride. "I'm going to check downstairs and if I need to pop one of these things in the head, I need to be prepared."

Daisy looked at her like she was nuts. "You can't go down there by yourself, I'll come with you."

Jess gave her a smile and gestured behind her. "Choose your weapon."

Before leaving Jess told her friends and co-owners to keep the door shut and locked to the offices unless they knew who was knocking. "Duh!" Kristi replied. Jess maturely stuck her tongue out at her.

"Hey you guys." Kristi called after them, causing them to turn. "Be careful okay?"

Jess gave her a Vulcan salute and Daisy waived as they both walked out the door and shut it securely behind them.

It was eerily quiet on the staircase as Daisy and Jess moved down the steps slowly, pool sticks at the ready. Their eyes darted around the enclosed space, half expecting a zombie to jump through a wall. Jess remembered that damn trailer for Day of the Dead when the zombie hands came through the wall. She was doing a great job freaking herself out.

"Do you hear anything?" Daisy asked in a whisper.

"No…nothing." Jess replied, her eyes wide. When they made it to the bottom floor, they looked towards the entrance. Through the glass they could see at least 20 or more zombies hanging about, trying to look into the building or get into it. The glass was practically sound proof, which was why they couldn't hear the moaning coming from the horde.

"We've got problems." Jess said softly.

Meanwhile Tim, Brian, and Mike were driving like mad towards the offices that held not only Daisy, but the thought of that epitome of female hotness known as the Fangirl, a combination of not only a woman, but a pal that knew the worth of a good light saber fight and the name of every actor who'd ever played Doctor Who (including Peter Cushing.)

Mike was having a field day running down zombies with the front of his van. Each time Tim would point excitedly and yell out "Fifty points!" and Mike would hit the target. Brian was cowering in the corner behind the front seats, hugging his giant penis and rocking back and forth in terror.

They were about two blocks from the building when a bicycle rushed by them. Mike had to swerve to keep from nailing the yellow and black clothed figure that was astride the thing, being pursued by a group of the undead. Tim let out a yell and Brian let out a scream as the van careened out of control after clipping the side of the bike and slammed into a street light.

"Uhh…ow…" Mike muttered as he lifted his head from the steering wheel.

"What the hell was that?" Tim asked as he shook his noggin clear. "Hold on a min…wasn't that a bicycle with some lanky yellow and black wearing nutter on it?" He said as his eyes grew large.

"Tyres!" They both said in unison, and rushed out of the wrecked van.

Brian managed to push off the assorted weaponry that had fallen down upon him as well as a large camouflaged net. He struggled out from under the thing, and with as much dignity as he could muster grabbed his weapon of choice and shoved the side door open, following his two comrades at arms, such as they were.

Tyres had had worse wipe outs on his stallion. But right then he didn't need the added incentive of fresh blood to make the zombies he'd been riding away from that much more anxious to eat him. He'd scraped his arm and leg pretty good, thankfully he knew how to fall and the wall he'd slammed into had helped some. He tried to stand up gingerly on one foot and then the other and managed to lean against the brick wall without too much of a problem.

He looked down at the sad wreckage of his bike and felt a wave of anger swell over him as he looked up at the gangly bunch of dead twat bastards that were the true cause of his bikes demise as they came towards him, moaning and growling and hungry.

Tyres scowled at them, and bent down to the mangled metal of his bike. There wasn't a chance for the beauty, it was beyond repair. But it could still serve him in some fashion. He reached down and with a wrenching twist he ripped off two of the bars that made up the frame. It wasn't a cheap bike, and the metal used to make it was the good stuff. The pissed off courier glared at the lot of zombies. He twirled the twin pieces of bike in his hands. "Alright you grey assed, flesh eating pieces of me mom's pet Yorkie's shite. Let's see what's you got can keep up with yours truly bringing disco pain onto your fucked up heads." With that Tyres ran at them, his eyes gleaming with revenge.

Chapter 5

Tim and Mike rounded the corner in time to see Tyres beating the heads in of two zombies. He had three more that he was going to have to deal with, but right then it was a sight to behold. A stream of unintelligible babble was spewing from his lips as he brought the pieces of bicycle down upon their craniums with the force of a jackhammer.

"Damn..." The two friends said in unison, looks of surprise on both their faces. Then seeing that the three remaining zombies were about to attack, they lifted their guns and took aim. Tim took the one on the left, Mike the one on the right. At the sound of the gunfire, Tyres looked up from the now completely lifeless hunks of what was left of the zombies.

"Hey Boy-o's…" He said with a smile, his face splattered with blood drops.

"Tyres look out!" Tim cried as the 3rd remaining zombie came at the blonde biker. Tyres turned around and with a yell slammed the two poles into the creature's eyes with enough force they came out through the back of its skull. It shook for a minute and then fell backwards with a loud thump, the flashy paint colored poles pointing skyward from its ruined sockets.

"Fuck me..." Tim breathed out impressed.

Tyres wiped his hands on his shorts and walked over to his mates. "Bloody fucking zombies chasing me and some damn van hit me and ruined me ride." He looked over at Mike, a kind of flaming dark light in his eyes. "Hang on, don't you drive a van?"

Mike and Tim exchanged glances before Tim replied. "Tyres you can help us. Daisy's in trouble and we have to save her."

The distraction worked and Tyres glanced at Tim. "Wah, your roomie's in trouble? You're "friend" huh?" A manic grin came over his face. "Well, since I gots nothing better to do and I saw my last "deliver to" get eaten, I guess I got the time." He pulled his messenger bag out from under the remains of his bike, strapping it across his chest.

At that moment Brian came running up and Tyres got a look at the giant cock of death. He let out a wallop of a laugh. "Hey there you beauty of an artist. Trying to make up for something?"

Brian looked at him like his head was on fire and he'd grown and extra set of arms that were the color of a lime on acid. "What do you mean?" He asked in a stutter of a voice.

Tim gestured crazily. "No time for discussing Brain's uber cock! We have to get to Daisy and the fangirl's." He started walking away, shotgun at the ready.

Tyres hurriedly took off after him. "Hey, did you say fangirl's?" He asked.

The four zombie fighters cautiously made their way through the business district that was now nearly deserted. Every so often they would see the remains of a hasty escape or a not so lucky one or a staggering deader that they would take down quickly. Tim and Mike made sure to not mention the van again, and also cautioned Brian in a quick whisper of words that he shouldn't either. The description of how Tyres dispatched the zombies was enough to keep him mum about it.

As they were traversing one of these alleys, this one being very damp and filled with more garbage than Mike's cousin Ed's old apartment ever had, a loud girlish scream echoed towards them. It came from an off shoot of the alley that ran behind a building Tim found familiar. They quickly headed towards it.

They found that the off shoot became a dead end, and cowering next to a dumpster for shredded documents was a man in a business suit. His face hidden, he was the source of the scream. In front of him and coming closer was a woman whose dress seemed to be covered in blood and had seen better days. She was obviously a deader, but it was equally obvious she'd been quite the looker in her day, at least from the back.

The suited man let out another cry. Tim came forward and called out to the zombie. "Hey cold stuff…over here!"

The zombie turned at the sound, growling and snarling, blood dripping from her lips, face white as ivory and blue veined. Tim felt his world spin and suddenly knew what Roy Scheider was feeling in Jaws during that wonky camera trick when he saw the boy get eaten by the shark.

"Sarah?" He croaked out.

Chapter 6

Sarah, or at least the thing that used to be Sarah, let out a snarl. Her teeth were a brownish color thanks to the dried blood that seemed to cover them. Her mouth and face were splattered with it.

Tim couldn't move. He was rooted to the spot as everything he'd ever done with her when they were a couple came rushing back to him. While this was going on, the zombie ex-girlfriend was coming closer.

Mike knew that Tim was feeling a bit torn at this point. The hesitation in his movements, that whooshing sound that always came when a flashback was happening; along with the lilting music that was wafting in the breeze was a dead giveaway. As his best friend he knew it was his duty to bring his mate back to the cold hard reality of what a cold hard bitch Sarah was, both figuratively and now also literally as she was about to tear him to pieces in undead fury.

He grabbed Tim about the shoulders and shook him. "Tim! Wake up man! She ripped your heart out and then did the Lambada on it! Now she wants to rip it out and eat it. Freaking shoot her man! It'll be cathartic!"

Tim looked at a loss a moment. And then the memories that were much more recent came to mind. The lies and the deception, the harsh way she threw him out on the street and played with his emotions like they were the newest additions to her damn Barbie collection. Mike knew when it worked, because that lilting music was replaced with something closer to a Marilyn Manson concert.

Tim turned to face his ex, a sneer on his face. He lifted his shotgun and took aim, straight for her skull. "Not tonight honey…you've got a headache." He said harshly, and then fired. Cronenberg would have been proud at the explosion of skull and brain and blood that was Sarah's head going boom.

As the pieces fell to the concrete of the alleyway with wet plops of sound, Mike patted Tim on the shoulder. "Good shot." He said smiling.

Tim, still holding the smoking shotgun, let sink in what just happened. "Wow, I just legally did what every dumped guy in the world dreams of." He said in awe.

"Yep, cathartic wasn't it?" Mike replied as Sarah's headless body fell backwards on the ground, a slight twitch to its limbs.

"Yeah, yeah it was." Tim said shaking his head. He looked up at his friend with a smile "Thanks babe." Moving the shotgun to his other hand he leaned over and hugged Mike.

"Ah, that's what friends are for man." Mike replied hugging Tim back, his gun precariously dangling from his trigger finger close to Tim's head.

Tyres and Brian watched in mute fascination and at a safe distance.

Almost forgotten, the guy in the suit stopped sobbing and peered out from the side of the dumpster. He stood and looked down at the remains of his would be attacker and then over at his savior embracing a hairy man in camouflage.

"I suppose I should thank you." His voice was a rough velvety rumble.

Tim and Mike stilled in each others arms, and as one, turned to face the man they just rescued. Disgust dripped from each of their tongues as they said together, "Duane…"

Chapter 7

"Hi Tim." Duane said smiling, smoothing his hair back into place. "As I said, thank you. Although I'm sure, given a moment, I would have been able to handle her."

"You cocky piece of ..." Tim's eyes widened and he started to head towards Duane, ready to beat the man to death with the butt of his gun. Shooting him would have been too quick.

"Oh big man with a gun…" Duane gave him a nervous sneer.

Tim paused, brows narrowing. "You bastard…we just saved your life. I just blew away Sarah to save your sorry ass." Thinking about that, Tim tossed the gun to Mike and then with a force that impressed Tyres, and even Brian, punched the taller man hard enough to knock him back onto the ground. "Give me one bloody reason I shouldn't just beat the living snot out of you." With each word he landed a kick against Duane.

"Tim you sure he isn't bit?" Mike asked hopefully, a gleeful smile on his face.

Duane chocked out a reply as another skater shoe landed a solid blow near his kidney. "I'm…not…bitten…ARGH..."

Brian spoke up from behind them. "Uhm…Tim…I know you are enjoying this, but we do need to get going. Remember Daisy, Fangirl's, rescue? We still have a ways to go before we get to Campbell Street."

Tim gave a snarl and another kick, leaving Duane in a fetal position on the dirty concrete. "You're right…we need to get going. I'll leave the trash here with the dumpster." The urge to take a whiz on top of the other man was overwhelming, but he didn't have the time unfortunately.

Mike handed Tim back his gun and they started out of the alley, making sure to avoid the remains of the zombie. A coughing whispery voice came from behind them. "If you're heading for Campbell, you're going the wrong way."

The unlikely hero's turned to see Duane pulling himself up from the ground. "What did you say you prick?" Tim asked.

"I said you're going the wrong way." The taller man wiped a dribble of blood from his chin. "You said Fangirl's, so I'm assuming that's the new magazine in the office building on Campbell. The magazine I rented the space to about two weeks ago, hence I know where it is. Hence how I know you're not going the right way." He dusted off his suit jacket, wincing only slightly, giving Tim a superior glare from his heavy lidded eyes.

"You're full of it Benzie." Tim turned to walk down the street.

"It's your roommate Tim. If you want Daisy to be pushing up her namesakes, well…that's your choice." Duane coughed and leaned against the dumpster as pain radiated through his battered ribs. "And all those lovely girls in that building, alone and defenseless, well, that will be on your head too."

Tim had had it with the bastard. He was probably right, that was the sad part. He wasn't familiar with the area they were in and after the crash they could have been turned around for all he knew. But he had had it with Mr. Tall, Dark, and Raspy. With a growl he launched himself back at Duane, managing to grasp hold of his shirt collar he hissed out "Which way do we go you wanker?" his own voice now doing a good imitation of a Clint Eastwood wannabe.

Duane spat out some blood onto the sidewalk next to Tim's shoe, and then smiled at the crazed bleach blonde. "No no Bisley, it's not that easy. I'll lead you to them, but you have to take me with you. I'm not being left here to be food for these dead things."

"I could beat it out of you, you prick." The shorter man snarled.

"Yes you could…but how do you know I wouldn't be lying." Duane smiled evilly, knowing he had them.

Tim felt the rage boil over, but knew the ponce was right. He wouldn't risk Daisy and the chance to be surrounded by his female equivalents just for the few minutes of beating the asshole and how happy it would make him. He released Duane with a shove. "Fine you bastard…but if you are lying, I swear I'll shove that gun so far up your ass you'll be spitting bullets every time you open your fucking mouth."

As Tim moved out of the way to let Duane pass, the tall man nodded. "Fair enough Bisley."

As they walked out of the alley and turned the opposite direction of where he'd been leading them, Tim pondered the risk of shoving Duane into a pack of hungry zombies if they came upon some later on.

Chapter 8

Slick, Leks, and Kristi were worriedly playing pool and drinking the remainder of the booze they had scavenged up from their desks.

"They've been gone awhile." Slick said, taking another shot of whiskey and then sinking a striped ball into a corner pocket.

Leks grunted as she watched her hard earned money slowly slipping away as Slick was going to yet again win another game. "Jess can take care of herself, and that Daisy doesn't look like a pushover."

Kristi scavenged through the cabinets of their kitchenette. "Where's the vodka!" she called out.

"Try the bottom cupboard." Slick replied and took aim at the eight ball. Leks prepared herself for the worse. Just as Slick moved to take the shot, Kristi let out a whoop as she found the bottle. "Yeah! Martinis for all!"

Slick scratched badly as her pool cue went one way and the 8 ball another. Leks danced around the table as Slick growled, contemplating the amount of force required to stick the piece of wood in her hand through someone's chest cavity.

Meanwhile…

Jessica and Daisy had split up to cover the bottom floor more quickly. The sound of moaning was growing louder and far creepier, and they just wanted to get back upstairs to the office.

Jess made her way towards where she thought the alley entrance was. She was positive she'd seen a service entrance there and she wanted to make sure it was secure. Even better she thought there was some sort of chain gate that would lock the alley from any kind of access. It would be risky to go outside, but the added security would be worth it.

At last she found the brown metal door. Taking a breath she climbed up onto a chair and peered out the thick glassed, barred windows that looked out onto the alley. It appeared empty, but the range of sight wasn't that great. "Frack…" she muttered, running her fingers through the unruly mop of her red hair. "What would Bruce Campbell do?"

Knowing exactly what Bruce Campbell would do, she decided to just go for it and hope that mad battle skills with a pool cue would suddenly come naturally to her. She pushed the door open a crack and peeked out. Looking down one end of the alley and then the other she let out a groan. She'd hoped that at least one end would already be locked, but fate had decided to give her cheerios a double shot of pee that morning.

"Alright Jess, we can do this. Think Buffy thoughts and let's go." She said to herself. She opened the door the rest of the way and stepped out into the alley. It was deserted thankfully. With a prayer to the great God Joss, she took off down the far end to shut the gate.

The damn thing wanted to stick badly and she had to put her only weapon on the ground to struggle with it. She kept glancing behind her to make sure no unwanted visitors were showing up. Sweat was building on her brow when she finally got the thing to start moving with a very loud screech. "Great! No WD-40 great!" That's when she saw them and her blue eyes got very very wide.

There were five zombies who had heard the noise and must have thought it was a kind of dinner bell. They were heading her way…slowly, but steadily. With a new burst of determination, Jess pulled on the damn gate with every bit of strength she had. It squealed like a cat in heat that had just got its tail caught in a cars fan belt. But she pushed as they kept getting closer.

At last she got the thing closed, and grabbing the chain quickly snapped the padlock shut. She flipped the zombies off with a satisfied smirk as she picked up her stick. And then she heard the moan come from behind her. Her body stilled and then her head fell forward. "Dumbass…" She said aloud, and then turned to see just how bad it was.

Chapter 9

It seemed that the zombies on the street had heard the noise too. There was another four of the dead things behind her, about six feet away. This was bad. She couldn't let them get into the building, but she had to get to that door, and she still needed to get the gate shut. This was beyond bad.

"Okay Jess…let's see if all those viewings of Kill Bill did any good." She thought to herself. As if knowing she planned to run, the zombie closest to her made a grab for her. She rammed it in the chest with the end of her pool cue, causing it to stumble backwards with a groan, just for good measure she swiped his legs out from under him, causing him to fall to the ground hard on his back.

His comrade in eating arms, what used to be a postman from the look of the uniform, didn't like that. So he decided to lunge for her. Jessica twirled the stick around and with a yell nailed him on the side of the head as hard as she could.

The sickening crunch she heard told her she'd broken the skull. The fragments must have penetrated the brain, because he fell to the ground unmoving. The other two zombies actually looked pissed. And with a strange hissing noise started coming towards her. She ran by them, using the path she'd cleared so she wasn't completely boxed in.

As she did so she slammed the pool cue into the temple of a female zombie in a waitress uniform. This time it actually got stuck in the things head. "Ewww! Let go." She said aloud as she yanked at the thing. Finally it pulled free with a sound not unlike jell-o makes as it falls out of a mold. The zombie fell to the ground limp as a rag doll.

Unfortunately, while Jess was focused on this, the zombie she'd knocked over had figured out more advanced motor skills and had flipped himself over. He reached out and grabbed hold of her ankle suddenly and pulled. Jess let out a yelp as she fell hard onto her back, knocking the breath out of her and causing her head to hit the ground fairly hard.

Instinct was a wonderful thing though, and she immediately kicked the zombie in the face as hard as she could before he could take a hunk out of her foot. She scrambled away, not having time to actually sit up, but before she could move further number four showed up. He fell upon her and she had to let go of her only weapon to hold onto his shoulders and block him from biting her. He was growling, nearly screaming as he tried. And the whole time she had to keep an eye on the one behind him in case he recovered from the foot she'd planted in his face.

Jess knew this was it, she couldn't keep this up. She was screwed and she was going to go out zombie food. Not the most pleasant way to go. She needed a miracle. "Where's Ken Foree when you needed him? Where's my Ash in shining armor?" She thought to herself. Bitey was getting more insistent and her arms were starting to give. And that's when the miracle arrived.

From somewhere behind her the butt of a gun slammed into Bitey's jaw knocking his head back and the rest of him out of her grasp. Then a gun barrel, presumably from the same gun, came upside his face and with a deafening shot blew his head clean off. There was of course splatter that hit Jess on the cheek, but at that point she didn't care about a bit of goo. Her head was still a bit woozy from the sound so close to her ears and the fall on the asphalt so it was rather dazedly she saw a hand held out to her to help her up.

She placed her slightly trembling fingers into the hand that was blessedly warm and alive and pushed herself up off the ground. "Thank you." She said, brushing off the back of her jeans. She looked up at the face of her rescuer and saw a pair of the biggest, bluest eyes she'd ever seen looking back at her. She tried not to let her mouth fall open at the sight of the cute goateed face that went along with the blue eyes, or the fact that he was wearing a Buffy t-shirt, let alone that he was carrying a very large shot gun.

"Hehehe…mommy look what I found." A voice said inside her slightly concussed head.

"Uhm…yeah…thank you for…" She said aloud. Then she remembered the other zombie. "Oh shit…there's another one."

Blue eyes gestured with a nod. "I think he's taken care of." He said in a lovely English accent, "Which makes sense since your in England idiot." She thought to herself. Jess turned around and saw what appeared to be a bike messenger gleefully hopping up and down on what used to be the head of the zombie who'd grabbed her leg. He was saying something, but he was speaking so quickly she couldn't make out much, just that he was angry.

She looked back towards the street and saw that there were three more guys standing there. One in what appeared to be camo fatigues, one in black, paint spattered pants and a t-shirt, and one tall guy in a business suit. She turned her gaze back to the Buffy fan. "You guys must be who Daisy called?"

Tim's eyes instantly became bigger and he noticed that this red head had on a t-shirt that read. "Shop Smart…shop S-mart!" on it. "Fangirl…" he said reverently. "You…you're a Fangirl."

Jess actually felt her blood pressure rise a notch. "Uhm…Yeah, my names Jessica." She held out her hand for him to shake. "Nice shirt by the way. Buffy is awesome."

He took her hand and held onto it. "Tim, Tim Bisley. I've seen Army of Darkness 342 times."

Jess took a step closer, an unseen force making her move towards this bleached stranger. "343…Bruce Campbell is a God among men." Was that music she heard, harps, angels?

"The Emmy's aren't worthy of Joss Whedon's spit." Tim's voice was suddenly a whisper. Was that music he heard? Sounded kinda like Enya.

She felt her breath quicken, Jess wasn't sure what would have happened next, but the guy in camo came bounding up to the two of them. "Hey Tim, we best be getting inside."

"Mike…" Tim had to shake his head clear. "Oh yeah, uhm…Jessica, can you get us inside the building?"

Jess nodded. "Yeah, but we need to close this alley off completely, after that the building will be secure. The only other way in is through the front and its all safety glass."

Tim turned to Mike and Mike nodded and it appeared an unheard command was issued. "On it." He said and called over to the bike messenger. "Tyres, come on mate, need your help."

Tyres looked up and with a final kick to the now fairly flat zombie and followed Mike. Jess watched as Mike walked up to the guy in the suit, who looked familiar and seemed really pissed off. There was a gun waved around and the tall guy followed the two other men to the gate and between them managed to get it shut, while the guy in the paint spattered clothes kept watch.

Tim turned back to Jess, his brain already imagining the twin babies named Luke and Leia they'd have and the wondrous home entertainment system they'd own as it sat next to their equally impressive, monolithic sized DVD collection. "Whoa…whoa there cowboy…must save said goddess from flesh eating hoard along with friends…then children and surround sound." He shook his head clear once more. "Well, been in London long?" He asked with a smile.

Chapter 10

Daisy had been back in the office for ten minutes. The girls had looked up and asked her nervously if she had seen Jessica anywhere. "I thought she'd gotten back before me." She said wide eyed. It was only a moment later they heard the gunshot. It caused all of them to jump.

"Holy shit…" Slick said. "That…that was close."

"That does it, I'm going to look for her." Kristi headed towards the back wall where a large wooden cabinet sat. She opened it up, blinded a moment by the sheer brilliance it held. After her eyes cleared she looked inside and found her prized possession. It was a working replica of the crossbow used by James Woods in Vampires. It was big, it was metal, and it was nasty.

"Hey, why didn't you let Jess use that thing when she left?" Leks asked her, pulling her own weapon replica from its sheath on her desk. The Highlander sword gleamed brightly in the office lights as she gave it a few practice swings.

"No body touches Jack but me," Kristi replied, pulling on her quiver of bolts. "zombies or no." Her eyes gleamed manically as she held the silver colored crossbow like a baby.

Slick shook her head, and headed over to the cabinet and pulled out her own custom made replica. "Psycho," She said shaking her head and then lifted her replica of the Blade samurai sword from its shelf. "Hey baby how you doing?" She greeted it, kissing the handle.

Daisy stood by mutely, watching in disbelief at the arsenal that was being assembled. "Wow…uhm…you guys know how to use that stuff?"

"You better believe it sister." Kristi said, taking aim at the wall. "We take our love of fandom seriously."

Daisy nodded, afraid to argue with anything said to her. She watched as Slick flexed her arms and swung the dark metal weapon around her head. She was impressed.

Leks paused a moment. "Hey…didn't Jess bring that Klingon Betleh thing of hers?"

Kristi nodded. "Yeah, I think so. But you know her. She probably didn't want to get anything on it."

Slick laughed. "Miss "Collectors don't take it out of the box" girl."

"That's her." Leks and Kristi said in unison.

"It makes the value go down, plus…I like my toys kept in good shape." Jess said from the doorway.

"JESS!" The Fangirl's said in unison.

"I brought friends." She said moving out of the door. Tim came in from behind her.

"TIM!" Daisy said and ran over to him.

"DAISY!" He said and gave her a hug.

Mike followed. "MIKE!" then Brian, "BRIAN!" then Tyres, "TYRES!"

It went on like this until they came to Duane. "Duane?" Daisy couldn't hide the disgust in her voice.

"Duane!" Everyone turned to look at Slick who was smiling.

"Slick, my dear how are you." Duane said walking over to the girl and giving her hand a squeeze. "How's the office shaping up?" He asked, his dark voice dripping with charm.

"Wonderful actually," She stopped. "Well, besides the zombie thing."

"Well, we can't actually blame that on the building now can we?" He said with a deep chuckle. "But it does give me the opportunity to be trapped with a very beautiful woman."

Slick nearly melted into the floor as he lifted her knuckles to his lips and kissed her hand gallantly. "Duh…yeah….lips nice." She said aloud.

Kristi shook her head trying not to laugh.

Daisy gestured towards the sleaze ball with a "what gives?" expression.

"Duane apparently rented them the office." Tim told her. "We found him about to be eaten by Sarah."

Daisy made an Oh with her mouth. "Is Sarah..?"

"One of the recently un-deceased now deceased." Mike offered helpfully.

"Oh, uhm…sorry?" She said to Tim.

"No worries." Tim replied. "Quite cathartic actually."

Mike glanced over to Kristi and tried not to drool too much at the site of the perky red head holding the most beautiful crossbow he'd ever seen. He ambled over. "Nice equipment." He said.

Kristi blushed, "Why thanks…not bad yourself." Mike took a turn to actually blush, his eyes looking at the floor.

Leks moved over to where Brian stood. "Artist?"

"What?" He nearly jumped. "Uhm…yes actually."

"What is it you do?" She asked.

(We'll leave you to visualize this answer dear reader)

Jess moved over to the cabinet and pulled open a drawer at the bottom. She lifted out a large curved metal blade with leather strapped handles and markings along its edges. She let out a sigh as she ran her hand lovingly along the weapon.

Tim felt Captain Marvel start to stand at attention and looked away quickly from the sight with a little gasp. Daisy gave him a look. "What's wrong with you?"

"Noth….nothings wrong. Uhm…know where the toilet is?" He asked her with in a rather high pitched voice.

Chapter 11

It was a half hour later and the horde outside the building had now doubled in size, apparently from sheer frustration. They seemed to know that behind those doors was a virtual running buffet of fresh food that was being kept from them.

Since the wrecking of the van had put a major kink in the rescue operation, the group had decided to stick it out in the building until a brilliant idea came to one of them or…well…the army did.

To take their minds off of what was going on outside and two stories down, everyone found something to occupy their time. Mike decided to challenge Kristi to a game of pool. After his reaction to her reply of, "Ever play strip 8-Ball?" (Mike instantly turned a shade of pink she'd never seen before) she decided to play nice and just play a game of normal pool. Although, that didn't stop her from making some wolf whistles and other comments when Mike had to lean down over the table to take some shots, showing her a great view of his covered in various shades of green rump.

Leks was animatedly talking to Brian as she refilled his glass of wine. Brian seemed to only nod and mumble/grunt in reply to what she was saying. Two things seemed to be keeping him next to her. 1. She had the wine, 2. She had him caught between herself and the wall.

Slick and Duane had wandered off to a storage closet, much to Daisy's surprise. She really didn't want to know what was going on in there. All she heard was Duane saying something to the effect of "Let me show you just how spacious this is." In the voice, that even knowing what a slime ball he was made her skin tingle. Slick didn't stand a chance against that voice. Most women didn't stand a chance against that voice. Except for maybe that girl down at the market with the crew cut who unloaded the trucks. Her shirt proclaimed her name as "Bubba." She might be immune.

Taking a swig of her wine she turned her attention back to the on going chatter of Tyres who was regaling her with his tale of what happened with his bike. It was quite the performance as he seemed determined to reenact the entire thing himself while doing the part of everyone involved. It was actually quite fascinating.

Jessica was staring out of the window looking down at the horde that had gathered out front. Lord…there were so many of them. The only thing keeping them out was the glass doors. Nothing but glass, and not especially thick glass really. Glass broke easily didn't it? Jess was doing a good job freaking herself out. So when Tim tapped her on the arm she let out a very loud yelp noise. "Oh…hehe…Hi Tim." She said nervously.

He handed her a bottle of Killian's Irish Red that was wonderfully cold. "Freaking yourself out huh?" He asked her with a smile.

"Nah, not at all." She replied and took a healthy swallow of the beer.

"Sure." He said knowingly. He took a seat on her desk, looking around at the odds and ends that she'd already unpacked. "You've got quite the collection here."

Without thinking she remarked. "Oh that's nothing…you should see my bedroom."

Tim's eyes got very big. "If you insist."

Jess nearly chocked on her beer. "I mean…I've got more stuff…you know…there."

He took a drink of his own beer. "Yeah…uhm…that…" Shaking the thoughts he had going through his mutinous brain, he squeaked out. "So what made you come to London?"

She gave him a smile, "Besides incredibly bad timing? Well…we're Fangirl's. England is the home of some of the best sci-fi ever. Red Dwarf, Doctor Who, Hitchhikers…I could go on you know. But we all love it here too. The history and everything…it's like a dream to me. And bonus…cute guys with accents." The last she said with a cocked brow, eyes on him.

It took every ounce of will not to laugh giddily but he managed to pull it off. That didn't mean that his mutinous brain didn't decide at that moment to change her attire from jeans and a t-shirt to Leia's metal bikini along with neck chain, the end of which lay in his hand. He was now decked out in Han Solo's vest and white shirt, trusty blaster at his side. He pulled the chain, hand over hand, until she stood before him. In a breathy voice she said, "Show me the darkside you filthy smuggler…" And then kissed him like a porn star.

Jess had glanced over towards a noise from the pool table. It looked as though Kristi had pinched Mike's bottom, the way he was rubbing it and looking at her funny. Kristi was laughing and drinking down what had to be her third or fourth martini. Jess smiled and then turned back to Tim who had the oddest expression on his face. His mouth was slightly open and he was staring at the floor. He was mumbling something…"Tongue like a Sarlacc…" His eyes were glazed.

"Hey Tim are you okay?" She asked, touching his leg.

This time he jumped. "Wha…what?" He was breathing heavily.

"Are you okay?" Jess laughed and took another drink. "Freaking yourself out now huh?"

He cleared his throat and took a calming drink of beer. It was rather warm now in the room. "I guess in a matter of speaking I was." He replied, not able to meet her eyes.

He looked out the window and down the street. "Shouldn't the army be doing something right about now?" He heard her ask.

"You'd think so. But who's to say how big this is." He said, eyes narrowing at the sight that was coming down the street. "Bloody hell…"

It was a black taxi weaving wildly out of control. There were six or seven zombies in various states of hanging off of it, two of them covering the windshield. The driver had no way of knowing where he was going.

"Oh my God…" He heard Jessica say as she realized just what he was watching.

The cab headed right into the middle of the crowd of undead and they seemed to know to move out of its way. And as they did, they created a perfect path for the cab to head right into the only thing keeping them out of the building, the safety glass doors.

They all heard the crash, felt it even up on their floor. The vibrations caused everything to shake, knocking down pictures and causing the balls on the pool table to scatter.

"Fuck!" Jess and Tim said in unison.

"What the hell was that?" A disheveled Duane said as he came around the corner from the closet, buttoning his shirt. Slick followed shortly thereafter, smoothing her hair down. "What the hell was that?" She asked.

Tim and Jess stared down in horror as the zombies realized the only barrier between them and dinner had just been lifted. Some of them decided to tear into the driver of the car though, and Jess prayed the guy had died on impact.

"We've got to get out of here now!" Tim said over his shoulder. He took a final swallow of his beer and grabbed Jess's hand pulling her behind him. She barely had a chance to grab her Betleh from the table as he headed towards the door.

"You didn't answer me Bisley...what's going on?" Duane asked again.

"What you just heard was the dinner bell for the many frustrated flesh eaters downstairs who will soon be upstairs. Where by coincidence we are." Tim replied.

He looked over at Mike. "Mount up." He said.

"Move em out." Mike replied. He motioned for Kristi to grab Jack. Everyone else followed suit quickly.

"What the hell are we going to do now Bisley?" Duane asked as he braved a glance down towards the wreckage. "This was your idea."

Tim gave him a glare and for the 100th time wondered if he could get away with just leaving the bastard for zombie bait. But Slick seemed to like him for some ungodly reason, and she seemed an alright girl. Blinded by that voice thing, but alright.

He turned to Jessica, who looked paler than before and was shaking some. He gave her hand a squeeze. "Hey…" He said and she looked over at him, and he saw the fear that was creeping into her eyes. He didn't like seeing her scared, not at all. It made this little ache in his chest. Tim decided right then and there that he wasn't going to let anything happen to this girl or her friends. They'd make it out of this if it killed him…or preferably killed Duane. Plus her dying would put quite the dent in his plans for world domination with her decked out in green body paint and gold fabric as his queen.

"Yeah?" She responded a bit breathlessly.

He kept his voice calm as he asked her. "How do we get to the roof?"

Chapter 12

Thankfully zombies had a hard time with mentally and physically taxing obstacles like stairs. But they were learning…and that was bad. The sounds of moaning and falling drifted up to the group who peered out over the banister side with paling faces.

"They're coming, we need to move Timmy." Mike said to his comrade in arms.

"Let's go." Tim turned around and looked at the motley group. "Everyone ready?"

Just what is this insanity you're dragging us into now?" Duane asked.

"Well if you want me to explain it instead of running for our lives that's fine then." Tim replied snippily. "We are in fact heading to the roof and we are going to jump over to the next building, since we are now trapped in this one and they are flooding in."

Duane gave him a narrow eyed stare. "And what are we going to do then? Pray it doesn't rain?" His already low voice was nearing a snarl. Slick actually backed away from him a couple steps.

Tim had had it long ago with the tall wanker and his need to belittle him. He made a move towards Duane, his voice growling in response. "I've got a better idea…we could just toss you down the sodden stairs and let the zombies die of intestinal diarrhea from ingesting your fucking guts!"

Jess and Kristi looked down the stairs, where shadows were forming on the walls in the shape of shambling bodies. The groaning and hissing noises were getting louder. "Boys…." They said together. "More important things happening here…"

"Oh really Bisley…think you've got the stones to do it now eh? About time…" Duane got right up to Tim's face, Tim having to stare up slightly, but not backing down.

Kristi and Jess sighed heavily. "Maybe we should just let him toss him down to the zombies." Jess suggested.

"What! No, we can't do that" Kristi said, fitting an arrow into her crossbow. "He got us this building space fairly cheap, plus Slick likes him."

Jess turned back to the stairs. "Yeah, but from what I can tell, he's not a terribly nice guy. Even though I love that voice…makes me go all gooey."

"Yeah, I have to admit the voice is quite nummy." Kristi pulled the bow into place and looked down the sight, and then let out a yelp. "Zombies! Hello Zombies!"

A couple of the more articulate dead heads had clambered up to the second floor and getting closer. Jess took up her blade and Kristi took aim. "Hello guys! Might want to start heading up right now." She said over her shoulder.

Tim and Duane, caught in the throes of major testosterone overload didn't hear her. Merely kept glaring and growling, waiting for the other to make the first move.

Leks worriedly looked back and forth between the two men, holding onto Brian's arm for dear life. Tyres was smiling eagerly waiting for the fight to start. Mike was ready to simply blow off Duane's head. And Daisy was getting frustrated.

Zombie number one came round the corner and Kristi let the bolt fly. It hit square between the she-zombie's eyes and she dropped like a stone, tumbling down the stairs and nearly knocking over her fellow zombie, who let out an angry, wet growl and seemed to actually speed up his ascent.

"I need to reload." She told Jess.

"Quick, back up and get them going. I'll take care of this one." Jess swung her Betleh up in front of her and braced herself. Kristi nodded and headed back to where Duane and Tim had started wrestling on the floor.

Not able to help herself, she enjoyed the view for a minute. The sight of Tim pummeling the taller guy, his shirt now torn at the collar and ginger blonde hair mussed up was quite nice actually. And Duane was now all sweaty and rumpled, even more so than after his time in the closet with Slick. Her Trekkie brain started playing the soundtrack from Amok Time in her head, while thoughts of two men battling for the hand of a beautiful Vulcan female entered her noggin.

Suddenly Duane was wearing a brown shirted Starfleet uniform and holding something that closely resembled a large, sharp pointed Q-tip, as did Tim. Tim's ears looked more pointed, his hair perfectly groomed, his light blue science officer gear was torn and tight in all the right places. The fighting was vicious and dirty, but in the end Tim brought the pointy end of his weapon down solidly into Duane chest, causing a dark red stain to spread over the tan fabric. With an over the top last gasp, he collapsed and died. Tim stood and with a last look at Duane headed over to where Kristi stood, resplendent in a golden gossamer gown, her pointed ears decked out in gold, gem studded earrings, a tiara on her head.

"You have won the contest." She said in a monotonic voice.

"Yes. He did not think through his tactics logically." Tim's voice was equally devoid of emotion.

"He is only human." She lifted her fingers towards him and he returned the gesture, touching his index and middle fingers to hers.

After a few seconds of this Tim spoke. "To hell with this." And then grabbed her into his arms, bending her backwards. "Pon Far me baby." He said huskily and then kissed her.

"Kristi! Now would be a good time!" She heard Jess's voice, cutting through her fantasy and bringing her back to the harsh reality that they were close to getting eaten alive. She shook her head and then headed over to where now Tim had Duane in a headlock and was trying to strangle him.

"Tim, Duane! We need to get going! Now dumbasses!" She kicked first Tim and then Duane in the ribs. The tactic worked and both men let go, rubbing their now bruised sides.

"Hey! Watch it there." Tim said struggling to stand up and wincing.

Duane looked decidedly worse for wear and staggered a bit. "This isn't over Bisley. We'll finish this later!"

"Deal you twat!" Tim spat back at him. He looked around. "Hey, where's Jess?"

Kristi gestured over her shoulder to where Jess was flipping her Betleh around in an arc above her head and then bringing it down, slicing cleanly through the neck of the on coming zombie. More were coming and she wouldn't be able to handle them all. But she needed to give them time to get up the stairs and out on the roof so she kept on going.

Mike came up alongside Kristi. "She's not going to be able to handle them with that thing by herself."

Kristi nodded. "Yeah…so what's the plan action man?"

"Get everyone to haul ass up stairs while we keep the zombies from chasing us." Mike replied, checking his gun.

"Simple and straightforward. I like it." Kristi fitted her crossbow with another bolt. "Hey Worfette! Get your ass in gear!"

Jess turned around and saw the two of them pointing their respective weapons in her direction. "Hey…hold on a minute." She swiped off the head of another walking corpse and then ran forward, diving between the two of them as they opened fire.

Chapter 13

The group, led by Tim and Jess, made their way quickly up the stairs. The sound of Mike's gunfire echoed upwards with them. When they reached the door, much to the consternation of them all, they found it locked.

"Shit!" Jess said loudly, kicking the door as hard as she could. "Shit!" She said again, hopping up and down with her now throbbing foot.

"Stand back." Tim said, pulling her away from the door. Taking aim, he fired the shotgun at the handle. Wood splintered and a gaping hole was now in place of the doorknob. Tim kicked the door open and everyone rushed out into the fresh air past him.

Jess looked behind her, her thoughts on her friends as they kept the horde at bay. She called down after them, "Hey, haul ass!"

"Yeah yeah!" Kristi's voice answered.

Meanwhile, the rest of the group was looking over at the rather long jump ahead of them to the next building's roof. It was fairly daunting and Daisy was glad that she had that little bit of extra cushioning that Twist was always wanting her to lose.

"So we gonna do this then?" Tyres asked, a gleam in his eye at the thought of jumping like a madman to next door. He only wished his bike could be there with him.

Brian looked at him like he was insane, which was most likely the case. He hugged his huge cock and prayed to whatever gods were listening that they made it out of this alive.

"This is total ape shit, you know that don't you?" Duane asked Slick as she stared over at the other building.

She was getting more than a little tired of hearing him complain constantly. With a glare she turned towards him. "If you've got a better idea please share it. Otherwise shut the hell up and look pretty."

Duane shut up.

Jess stayed at the door waiting for Kristi and Mike, Tim ran over to the others. He looked over the side. "It's not that bad." He tried to sound hopeful.

Daisy gave him a look that spoke volumes, volumes that would put a sailor to shame.

He apparently heard her due to some unknown form of telepathy. "Hey now, look at it this way. Once we get off this building, all those others are so close together we won't have any problems. Older structures you know, all built smack together. It'll be like walking down the street." He gave her a smile.

Daisy shook her head. If they got through this alive she'd kill him.

"Alright, who's first?" Tim looked around and Tyres immediately raised his hand.

"Move out of the way mi amigos!" He said with a brown toothed grin. He backed up two feet, and stared square at where he wanted to land. Then in a dash of yellow spandex he was running full tilt. With a cry that would put Xena to shame he jumped, legs flailing in the air. Tim watched him with a mixture of admiration and fear as Tyres flew across the space that separated the buildings like a weird rave loving Big Bird.

When he landed it was hard and it hurt. Tyres felt the breath leave his lungs in a whoosh. But as he picked himself up off the roof top he was laughing. "Come on you lovely people! Tha's a rush I tell ya…woo!" He gestured wildly with his hand for them to follow his example.

While the others started to jump across, Jess was waiting anxiously for Mike and Kristi. At last she saw them come running up the stairway, unfortunately they were being followed.

"Shit!" Jess said loudly. That was the word for the day apparently. She held the door for the two of them to come running through and then slammed it shut, bracing herself against it. "Getting low on ammo." Mike said as he ran by her.

Kristi looked over at her. "What are you doing?"

"We had to blow the lock off of this thing to get it open." There was a slam against the door and her eyes widened. She pushed back against it. "I have to keep these things in here so you guys can jump…so freaking jump already!" There was another slam and Jess growled and kept her weight against the wood.

Mike saluted at her and grabbed Kristi's arm. "Come on dead eye, we need to move." He hurried them towards the edge where Brian was readying himself to launch off the side. He tossed his giant penis to Tyres who was loathe to touch it, but went ahead and caught it safely. Then with a sound strangely reminiscent of Fay Wray's scream in King Kong he jumped across to the roof.

Duane went next, much to the dismay of Slick who would have thought the big guy would have at least lent her some moral support for her jump. She shook her head and decided, voice or no, he was an asshole. And with a Gefling war cry of "Kamalaya!" (The Dark Crystal had always been a favorite) she jumped.

Tim saw Mike and Kristi appear just as Leks was getting ready for her flying routine. "You guys okay?" He asked.

"Yeah, but Jess is blocking the door. We had zombies on our tails all the way up, and they are a hungry bunch of suckers." Mike said breathlessly.

Tim looked horrified for a moment and turned towards the doorway were Jess had her feet braced against the ground, back to the door. She was looking tired.

"You guys get going, I'm going to help her and then we'll meet you on the roof."

Mike nodded in reply and strapped his gun across his chest. He looked over at Kristi. "No worries. I'll go first and you toss me Jack."

Kristi looked leery for a moment. "You swear you'll catch him?"

"Scouts honor." He gave her a salute and then with a swift run jumped over to the other side. Mike landed in a roll and hopped to his feet like a good soldier. Kristi was impressed. "Send him over!" He called to her.

Kristi gave Jack a kiss, sent up a little prayer and tossed him towards Mike. He caught the heavy crossbow with a "Humph" Bloody thing weighted like 80 pounds. He was amazed that such a little thing could carry it like she did. He knew without a doubt that if he'd dropped it she'd have cut his balls off without a second thought.

Tim had run over to Jess, pressing his back up against the now splintering door. "Noisy little buggers huh?" He said trying to lighten the mood. The sounds of snarls and moans were almost deafening.

"Yeah…but determined. You have to give em that." She looked over at him and gave a tired smile. They turned and watched the last of the group go over the side, Mike followed by Kristi. It was now just the two of them, the door, and a bunch of pissed off zombies.

"Our turn." Tim said. "I'm gonna count to three, when I hit three we head towards the edge alright?"

Jess nodded, eyes wide. "Got it."

Tim counted, before saying three he took a deep breath and then spoke. "Three!" They both let go and ran like hell, the door bursting open a moment later as the zombies stumbled through in a gray mass.

The two sci-fi geeks stopped about three feet from the edge. They had only moments to get this right. Jess called over to the gang on the opposite building to look out below and she tossed her blade over to them. It wouldn't do to land on it and impale herself. Tim tossed the shotgun over as well, as landing on that and it going off would be all kinds of bad.

Jess turned around and saw the zombies getting closer. "Now would be a good time Tim." She said.

Tim turned around and let out a very non-manly yelp. There was no time to waste. "Okay ready?" He asked her.

She nodded, and then grabbing his hand gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Good luck."

He gave her hand a squeeze, then together they ran fast towards the edge and jumped, just as the stormtro...zombies closed in.

Chapter 14

The two intrepid zombie battlers landed in a heap on the very edge of the roof. Tim was rather splayed across the top of Jessica, which wouldn't have been so bad if it weren't for the fact the wind got knocked out of her and she couldn't breathe.

"Hey, you guys alright?" Mike asked.

"N…no…" Jess managed to strangle out.

"Give me a second." Tim said. Another time and place this would have been much more enjoyable, but right then his muscles were giving him payback for what he'd just put them through.

"Off…me…Bisley…" Jess grunted out.

Tim complied, rolling off of her and laying on his back. "Thank you." She said.

"Not…a…problem." He replied, groaning slightly.

They both glanced over at the building they'd just been on. Zombies were swarming the roof and seeing where their would-be dinner had gone, were trying to follow them. Unfortunately for the zombies, they couldn't run and were doing a great imitation of a bunch of Lemmings as they fell off the side of the building one after another.

"Not too bright are they?" Jess asked Tim, finally getting her breath back.

"No, not really." He said, pushing himself to his feet. He was sore, but he'd live. Tim held a hand down to help her up, which she gladly accepted. Her back was killing her, but she'd be okay.

"Alrighty then." Tim picked up his shotgun, placing it over his shoulder. "We should start moving along."

"Where to exactly?" Duane asked rolling his eyes.

Slick gave him a glare and turned to face Tim. "I think there's a police station not too far from here. We could just keep up top for as long as possible till we get there. If anywhere is safe it's somewhere like that, they probably have the army there too."

"Sounds like a slice of fried gold to me." Tim gave Duane a hard look and headed in the direction Slick had pointed.

It was easier going now. The roofs were only a couple feet apart. No zombies anywhere except below them and they were safely out of harms way. They'd been moving along quite well and had crossed over 8 buildings when something happened no one had expected. The roof fell in.

Daisy and Kristi both let out a scream and Jess let out a loud "Fuck!" Leks and Brian both were too afraid to say anything. It happened quick, one minute they were fine and the next there was a loud cracking sound and then a whoosh as they fell through.

Surprisingly they weren't dead. Dust and debris caused everyone to be hacking up a lung, but they weren't dead.

Somehow, once again Tim and Jessica had landed together, this time Jessica on top of Tim. "Uhh…what the hell happened?" She managed to mumble into Tim's shoulder.

"I don't know…I think the floor caved in…and I think you've crushed my spleen." He replied in half groan.

"Too bad…I'm not moving right now." She told him, her body happily screaming a loud "Fuck you!" at her for putting it through the ringer in so short a time.

Mike managed to struggle out from under some wood that hand landed on top of him. He pulled Kristi up and she went over to dig out Leks. Brian and Tyres struggled out from their own pile and helped Slick to stand up and then went over to help Daisy.

When Jess finally decided to move she got up off of Tim, who stood shakily with a bit of her help. "When this is all over, remind me to take an overdose of something and pass out for a week." He muttered, rubbing his sore shoulder.

"Only if I get to join in." She said and then turned to come face to face with the rather sharp point of a rusty sword.

Said rusty sword was in a hand attached to a tallish fellow in a grubby long black coat with a head of messy dark brown hair, a cigarette dangling from his lips. He was obviously not a zombie, but with his pallid to grey complexion he couldn't be too healthy. "What's going on here? Who are you? And why did you feel the need to destroy my defenseless ceiling?" He asked in a slightly slurred, thick Irish baroque.

Jess stared back at him with wide eyes trying not to be nervous at the fact this obviously drunk Irishman was pointing a sword at her. "Uhm…uhm…we were running from zombies and your ceiling got in the way?"

"Did you manage to take down any of the bastards?" He asked taking a drag off his cigarette with his free hand.

Slick piped up from her corner, stumbling forward over some chunks of plaster. "Hi there…and yes we did, quite a few actually." She batted her eyes at him, enthralled by his unkempt appearance and lovely accent. She was a Fangirl after all.

The mad Irishman noticed the lovely young thing and felt a slight quivering in his stomach at the way her eyes seemed to drink him in. It was either that or the week old beef stew he'd eaten for lunch. But either way it didn't matter. They weren't zombies and so he lowered his sword.

"Alright you lot, its safe." He called over his shoulder. From behind an overturned desk a couple of heads peeped out, one that looked oddly familiar with his blond goatee and short blonde hair. The two men walked over, the one with the goatee giving Tim a strange look.

"Have we met?" He asked him.

"No, I don't think so." Tim gave him a funny look in return. "Tim Bisley, I work over at Fantasy Bizarre." He held out his hand.

"Shaun Riley, I work at Foree's Appliance. Just visiting my cousin here, the nutter with the sword" The two shook hands.

"I heard that Shaun." The man in black said in harsh voice.

Tim replied. "You don't happen to sell surround sound systems do you?"

Finding a kindred spirit in a way Shaun started talking to Tim about sound systems and other overgrown boys toys. Jess was staring at them, wondering just what it was that was so odd about all of this, besides the fact that they were being overran by flesh eating zombies.

The other guy came round to where Daisy was brushing off the debris that had managed to latch onto her clothes. "Here, let me help you." He said. He brushed off the back of her shirt gently.

"Thanks." She said turning around. "Nice shirt. Are you trying to be funny?" She said pointing to his Dawn of the Dead t-shirt.

"No, just really bad on timing and wardrobe." He gave her a smile, showing very white teeth. "My names Tom, Tom Corbett. I was lucky enough to be in here when all this started, or unlucky enough if you've smelled that guys breath up close."

"I heard that!" The Irishman shouted out.

Tom winced and Daisy laughed.

Slick sidled up to tall, dark, and bitter. She couldn't help herself…he was just amazing. "Hi, my names Slick."

You made of ice or something?" He asked, taking an impossibly long drag off his cigarette.

"Nah, I just go down smooth like a fine wine." She gave him a cocked brow and a decidedly naughty grin.

He coughed and dropped his cigarette. Okay, that was fairly obvious in its meaning. "Welcome to what used to be my bookshop. I'm Bernard Black." He said holding out a slightly sweaty hand.

Chapter 15

Slick shook his hand, growing more and more entranced by his dark eyes that were surrounded with equally dark circles and lovely stubble of beard. "Very nice to meet you Bernard. Tell me…have you got any merlot?"

"Okay," Bernard thought to himself. "This young lady is, for whatever reason, heavily flirting with me whilst vast minions of flesh eating dead stalk about outside. And now she's just asked me if I have any merlot." Could this be love? "Of course I do." He said offering her a dingy arm. "What kind of bastard do you take me for?" With that he led her towards a brown desk that had seen far better days. From one of its drawers he pulled out a green bottle that he expertly uncorked with his teeth.

"Ooh…I love a man with hidden talents." Slick cooed at him.

Bernard's cheeks colored just a bit as he handed her a glass.

Mike was reconnoitering the building with Tyres, making sure all was secure. They grabbed Tom, who reluctantly left Daisy to make sure everything was blocked from entry from the outside.

Duane was pacing about the front of the store, wanting away from all of these lunatics as quickly as possible. He was tired of being treated unfairly and he wanted away from Tim Bisley. The reek of failure surrounded the loser (or it may have been what looked suspiciously like a dead badger over in the corner.) But either way, Duane Benzie was not going to be contaminated by these freaks. He had better things to do. He had to get out of here.

Kristi, after making sure Jack was alright, wandered over to Shaun. He was cute, and if she wasn't mistaken, she'd heard him telling Tim he was a DJ. Bonus.

"Hi there." Kristi said, plopping down next to him on a green couch. She felt herself start to slowly be sucked into the cushions and let out a little yelp.

"Hang on a min," Shaun said and grabbed her hand, pulling her back up from the bottomless pit of what he'd dubbed Godzilla. "Bernard keeps this thing around because he likes watching it eat people. You have to know how to sit in it."

"Thanks for the rescue." Kristi ran nervous fingers through her hair. "So did I hear correctly? You're a DJ?"

"Sort of…" Shaun looked decidedly nervous. "I used to do it before I had to get all respectable for my ex and get what she called "a real job."

"Oh screw her." Kristi let slip out the words and then immediately slapped a hand over her mouth. "Oh sorry..." she mumbled from behind her fingers.

Shaun laughed, his blue eyes twinkling. "Well thank you for defending myself and the many other out of work DJ's in London, sorry lot we are."

"Uhm…you did say Ex right?" Kristi asked.

Tim and Jess were busily looking at the sci-fi section. "Hey look-it!" She was holding a paperback and jumping up and down excitedly.

"I can't quite see what it is if your jumping." Tim said smiling.

"It's original Star Trek novels! And he's got old Doctor Who's too." She started rummaging through the shelves, braving the masses of spider webs and God only knew what else. She was actually sticking halfway out of a particularly deep shelf, her legs dangling off the ground.

"Be careful there pickle." Tim said, peering over her shoulder and trying to keep an eye out for anything that might jump from the dark recesses of the store. He'd kept her from being bitten by zombies, but Lord knew what was hanging around in this place.

There was some growling noises and he heard her say "Give me that you little fucking weasel!" Blows were exchanged from the sound of it.

"Need help?" He asked her and was alarmed by an echo of his voice coming back at him. What the hell was going on here and just how deep did these things go?

"No…no I think I got him. HA! Tim, pull me back!" She called over her shoulder.

Tim did as instructed and happily grabbed her hips, pulling her back off the impossibly deep shelf. She had cobwebs clinging to her and dust on her clothes. Smudges covered her face, and in her hands she held a cardboard box which contained first editions of Uncanny X-men, Doctor Strange, and Fantastic Four. "Jackpot!" She said smiling crazily.

Tim stared at her for a moment in awe. With great care he took the box from her hands and placed it on a nearby table. Then, without a word, grabbed her in his arms, leaned her back, and kissed her like a horny teenager on prom night. In the process of this randy action, the box got knocked off the table and the contents fell out onto the floor. Thankfully, as they were out of view of the others, no one saw them as they followed the comics and landed on top of them, breathing quite heavily.

"Take me…take me now Tim!" Jess gasped out, pulling at his Buffy shirt whilst nibbling his ear. "Make me feel like a woman and love me on this pile of sweet Marvel goodness."

"But…but they might be…" God she did have a tongue like a Sarlacc, how did he ever get so lucky? "damaged…" he managed to say.

"They are sealed…in plastic. God I love your goatee" She looked at him with lusty blue eyes. "Now show me your force powers you bad Jedi." Tim needed no more convincing after that.

Leks and Brian had found what was left of the art books section and were busily looking through them. When Bernard saw this he let out a growling "We're not a bloody library…"

Slick who was now quite on her way to drunkenness laughed heartily. "That's right! Do we use a decimal system here?" She laughed even harder and slapped Bernard on the arm. "Get it! Do we decimal? Dewey Decimal!" Then she slugged down another dose of wine.

Bernard got the joke and laughed along with her, and then started coughing hard as his lungs were not the healthiest organs around. To help counteract this, he drank down his entire glass of merlot, which surprisingly worked. But, this in turn caused his liver to start pounding at his side in anger. "Shut up you twit! Do your job and no complaining." He shouted at his abdomen. It worked apparently as the pain went away, with a sound like a wet, squelchy curse.

"More wine!" He said.

Slick quickly filled his glass once more. "So… how long have owned this place Bernard?"

Bernard took another healthy drink and lit yet another cigarette. "I honestly can't remember. Awhile I think."

From the back of the store a voice cried out that sounded strangely like Tim, causing everyone to look up. "SHAZAM!"

Chapter 16

It was a bit later that Mike and company returned from checking out the safety of their new hold up. Everyone was trying to remain calm and Duane was still trying to figure out a way to leave.

Tim and Jess appeared from the darkened sci-fi section looking a bit rumpled. The smile on Tim's face would have told anyone what they'd been up to, if the fact that Jess's t-shirt was suddenly on backwards didn't. Tim was carrying the box of comics and planted it in front of a surprised Bernard. "I'll take the lot please." He told him, pulling out his wallet and tossing some pound notes onto the desktop.

Jess wandered over to where Kristi was in a deep philosophical discussion with Shaun about the effects of prolonged exposure to Morrissey on seemingly happy people. When Kristi noticed the state of her clothes, she cleared her throat, noisily getting her attention. Jess looked over and Kristi pulled at her own shirt with a nod in her direction.

"OH!..." The embarrassed Fangirl quickly went to a corner and with a bit of a struggle, managed to flip her shirt around without removing it. She came back to her seat, a blush to her cheeks.

"I'm telling you…the man has subliminal stuff in his songs. He'll drive you to jump off a building." Shaun spoke animatedly.

"Nah, I don't think so." Kristi replied, she paused for a moment and then decided to go for it. Heck, they might die, and this guy was really cute and had great taste in tunes. "Say Shaun, do you want to go out sometime? There's this great little club…well hopefully it's still there, that has really good live music every Friday in my neighborhood. I think you'd like it."

Shaun's eyes lit up. A girl was asking him out? Maybe this was the end of the world…as we know it. "Okay REM, out of my bleeding head!" He thought to himself, willing the song to shut up. "Sure! That sounds like a plan."

"Awesome!" She smiled at him.

"Want some more tea?" He asked, standing up.

"Thank you, yes." Kristi handed him her cup and moved closer to Jess.

"Wow, this zombie holocaust was the best thing to ever happen to us." She whispered to her friend.

"Yeah…no doubt." Jess said dreamily, she looked over at Slick who was sitting open mouthed in an office chair, head flung back snoring noisily. Bernard was collapsed on the desk top now, snoring even louder. "Aww…what a cute couple those two make."

Kristi laughed. "I never thought I'd see the day when a guy could keep up with her. Pretty amazing."

Leks came bounding over. "Guys guys! Brian said he'd paint me! Isn't that great? I'm going to be a model!" She grinned hugely in the tall, lanky artist's direction.

Brian looking sheepish gave her a little wave and a tentative smile.

"You're not going to be posing with that…penis thing are you?" Jess asked her, a bit weirded out by it, flashes of "A Clockwork Orange" going through her head.

"No! Well…no, definitely not." Leks answered.

"Can't wait to see the finished work, should be awesome." Kristi patted Jack were he sat beside her on the floor. "I just hope we get out of here to live out all these dreams."

Jess grinned wickedly. "I just got to live out one."

Kristi shook her head. "I figured…this wouldn't happen to have been the "mad monkey love on top of a pile of comic books" one would it?"

The red head turned to her friend in surprise. "Was it that obvious?"

"You can blame Tim over there for the battle cry and the ear to ear grin he had plastered on." She smiled at her friend, "Or the fact that you were suddenly dressing like Mork."

Jess giggled in spite of herself then whispered something to her friends.

"Captain Marvel!" Leks and Kristi said in unison, quite loudly.

Across the store Tim's eyes widened and he started choking on his tea. Mike came over and dutifully pounded on his back.

Chapter 17

Duane stalked the front of the store. He glared at the boarded up windows and then he glared some more at Tim who was now laughing and getting very cozy with one of his clients, the curvy one who could stand to lose some weight. He then glowered over at the filthy Irishman who was now awake, and was obviously trying to win over Slick. She appeared to be enamored of the dirty bugger. Duane shook his head, and thanked his lucky stars that it never went further than the closet.

Alas, he would not waste any tears on Sarah. The bint had got what she deserved. He'd told her not to try and help her idiot friend. That the girl looked exactly like the descriptions the televisions had been giving about what the zombies looked like. Did she listen? No, she'd ran right over and had got herself bitten.

He'd gotten bored with her already anyway, and she was staying later and later at work. He'd played the game long enough to know what that was a sign of. No, best thing for him really. But now he needed to get out of this pit of mediocrity and losers. And possibly, find a way to make Tim pay for his recurring good fortune in the revenge department.

He looked out through the spaces between the boards that haphazardly adorned the windows. The street was actually devoid of any living dead from where he stood. There was a chance he could manage a way out. A dark plan was forming in Duane's head, a plan that would handle his two problems, freedom and the blonde git.

He saw the car across the street, begging to be hot wired and driven away. Now it was just a matter of getting to it. All the doors and windows had been covered in a hasty job of bookshelf and table parts nailed in front of them. He'd have to pry them off and make it through, and then get the zombies to come in and have their dinner party. He laughed harshly to himself at the thought of Bisley giving the poor creatures indigestion.

Duane felt a tinge of guilt at sending the rest of them to a sentence of being a main course, but Bisley had pissed him off for the final time. It was bad enough he'd gotten the better of him at that damned paint ball course (he still had nightmares about that, and could never bring himself to look at another paint ball gun again.) Then to have Sarah actually decide to leave him, albeit briefly, to go back to the loser. The events of the day had not improved the situation, if anything, it made Duane seethe that much more.

"You know you should probably not be so close to those windows." Tom offered from his perch next to Daisy.

"You should blow it out your ass." Duane replied, his voice harsh.

"Okay then." Tom went back to regaling Daisy with tales of his time in Scotland.

Tim looked over at Duane, eyeing him suspiciously. Jess noticed that his attention had gone away from the Doctor Strange they were looking at. "Something wrong?" She asked.

"Hmm…I don't know, but that dick's up to something." He replied in a hushed whisper.

Jess turned and followed his gaze. "You want me to kill him for you? I will you know, I don't mind. I think he screwed us on the rent, so I have a reason besides my burgeoning lust and desire for you. I can make it really painful."

Tim laughed, planting a kiss on her forehead. "You are a sweetheart of a psychopath love. But I have to say if anyone gets to kill him it's me."

"Can I watch and cheer you on?"

"I wouldn't have it any other way." He placed an arm around her shoulder and they went back to looking at the comic.

"Hey, would you ever wear a cape like this?" Jess asked with a gleam in her eye.

Duane walked over to the far corner of the room estimating the easier of the boards to remove. Tim's so called "friend" Mike was armed as was Bisley. He'd have to figure a way to get one of the guns from them. The swords and the crossbow he wasn't worried about, but the guns would be a problem.

Maybe a hostage would be a good idea. Even better if it was someone that Bisley would be concerned with. Duane's shifty eyes alighted on Daisy then moved along to Jessica. Either of them would be a good choice and easier to handle than Mike. Also, they would provide good cover for any walking corpses he encountered out front. Yes…he could toss the poor unfortunate girl to the wolves. They'd be too interested in the free food that just landed at their feet than him if there were problems. It would be perfect. He smiled at the thought as he slipped a hammer into his pants pocket. He'd just have to wait for the right moment.

Chapter 18

It was nearly two hours later when Duane's moment came. Exhaustion had settled over everyone, and the store had grown dark. Mike said he'd take first watch, feeling that it was his duty as a member of the TA. He stood near the entrance, straight backed, his gun at the ready.

Bernard and Slick were both unconscious on their respective chairs, three wine bottles empty between them. A still burning cigarette was clutched in Bernard's hand, having burned down nearly halfway, its tip glowing in the darkness. Shaun and Kristi were curled up on Godzilla, the only ones brave enough to dare the couch. Kristi's head rested on Shaun's lap, and in her arms she cradled Jack. Brian and Leks were seated on the floor with a couple cushions, Tyres next to them. Even in his sleep the man must have heard music in his head, as his limbs twitched to some unheard beat.

Duane saw Daisy sitting on the floor, her head lolling on Tom's shoulder and then he looked over to where Tim and Jess were curled up together on a table top. The scenes of togetherness made him want to hurl. Such a sham it all was. With a shake of his head he turned his gaze to Mike and a smirk curled his lip. The idiot was falling asleep, as he figured he would. He watched the other mans eyes drooping closed behind the tinted sunglasses he wore, until at last they stayed closed and his head fell back against the wall.

With a quick glance around, Duane hurried over to the section of loose boards and quickly yanked out the nails, taking care to be as quiet as possible. Sweat beaded his brow as he worked, laying the boards carefully on the wooden floor. When at last the space was big enough to fit through he placed the hammer on the window sill and looked out the glass. It was dark outside, but he could still make out the car. The street still looked clear.

"Now, for phase two." He thought to himself. Double checking on the still sleeping Mike, Duane headed over to the table that Jess and Tim occupied. He had his arm slung over her and was snoring softly. He'd leaned the shotgun up against a bookshelf within easy reach.

Duane knew he'd never be able to break the glass of the window without them hearing, the hostage angel was the only way to go to ensure his escape. Nodding his head in self-congratulation, he quietly picked up the gun. He'd seen Tim loading it earlier and knew there were shells waiting inside the chamber.

In the gloom of the store, Duane smiled wickedly to himself. He was going to enjoy this. He moved to the side where Jessica lay sleeping peacefully, her head resting on Tim's outstretched arm.

Jess felt something cold poking her in the cheek. She batted at it with her hand, but it kept coming back. Was it a dog nose? Was Tim being really weird? What the hell was it? She opened her eyes and found herself staring into a shotgun barrel Her eyes widened and she opened her mouth to voice the "What the fuck?" that was echoing in her head when Duane made a very soft "shushing" noise, a finger to his lips. He motioned his head in Tim's direction, conveying his cold bloodedness with his eyes. In no uncertain terms he was saying "Make a peep and I'll blow his head off."

She stilled not knowing what he wanted her to do. He crooked his finger in a come hither gesture. Jess knew that if she woke him up Tim would be in danger from this complete prick, so very carefully she lifted his arm from her. Holding it by the wrist she slid out from under it and off the table. Tim made a muffled little noise and then snorted loudly, but thankfully stayed asleep.

After she was standing, Duane grabbed her by the arm and pulled her close to him. "Listen here and you might just make it." His gravely, harsh voice grated into her ear. "I'm getting out of here. You are going to help me."

She looked at him like he was nuts. "You're insane. You go out there on the street and you'll be killed." She spoke in a whisper.

"I have a gun and there's a car right outside. And besides, why come after me when there's a buffet waiting right here?" His eyes actually seemed to glow like hellfire as he spoke and when he grinned she knew he'd lost it. He'd gone bonkers or maybe he always had been, and just hid it really well like Patrick Bateman or something. Either way, she knew he planned on killing everyone by letting those things outside into the store.

He saw the realization of what he intended to do grow on her face. When he saw her get ready to scream out a warning he hushed her once again. "No, no, no. One word and I'll blow Tim's tiny little brain out onto the floor. At least with the zombies he stands a chance. Admittedly not a very good one, but at least there's a chance."

Jess felt tears start to prick her eyes. Okay this really sucked…sucked so bad you could name it Hoover. She couldn't let him do this, but at the same time she couldn't let Tim get hurt. But if the zombies got inside, he'd get hurt anyway wouldn't he? She felt a headache coming on, along with a healthy dose of nausea. She dropped her head in defeat and gave a little nod of acquiescence.

"Good girl." Duane said, and then pulled her along behind him, fingers tight on her arm.

Chapter 19

They got to the front of the store and Jess saw that Duane had been a busy little beaver with his ripping off of boards. "So what are we doing?" She asked softly.

Duane looked around and found a heavy volume of "The Complete Shakespeare" laying on a table top. He didn't want to waste any bullets breaking the window, so he'd throw something at it instead. He motioned to the girl "Pick that up and chuck it hard at the glass." He kept his gun trained on her.

He'd kill her if she tried anything out of line, she had no doubt of it. Crazy people were just like that. So Jess picked up the book, which weighted a ton, and with both hands pitched it hard at the glass.

By some weird act of physics or God, she didn't know which, it didn't break. But it did make a very loud noise that reverberated throughout the store.

"Mommy not the clown suit!" Bernard shouted loudly as he sat up, dropping his lit cigarette onto his lap. "AAAH!" He jumped around and batted out the burning fabric. This in turn woke up Slick.

"Football practice!" She said aloud eyes darting wildly.

All of this started a chain reaction of everyone jumping awake, except for Tyres who seemed oblivious to everything but the techno acid trip going on inside his head.

Tim's eyes popped open and he woke up to discover Jess was gone. "Hang on a min…" he muttered to himself then he saw her and reality hit like a well placed kick to the groin.

Duane watched as everyone was jarred awake. He quickly grabbed hold of his hostage and holding her by the neck with his arm, jabbed the shotgun up under her chin.

When Tim saw this he felt a mixture of anger and fear rush through his system. He realized three things, 1. Duane had his gun, 2 Duane had his girl (again), 3. He should have let Sarah eat him. "What the hell are you doing Benzie!" He asked loudly, jumping off the table and walking towards him.

Duane jabbed the sharp, cold gun barrel harder into Jess's skin causing her to yelp. "Not one more step Bisley or she gets it."

"You twisted bastard." Daisy said, glaring at him with hard eyes.

Tim stood still. He glanced over at Mike and saw he had pointed his gun at Duane ready to fire. Mike glanced over at his friend and saw him shake his head slightly 'No." Reluctantly he lowered his weapon.

"Have you lost it Benzie? What are you doing?" Tim asked the nutter.

"I'm getting out of here. We're sitting ducks in this…rank pond." He looked around the store.

"I resent that!" Bernard said. Slick popped him on the arm to shut him up.

"As I said," Duane continued, "sitting ducks. I'm tired of this and I'm leaving. The young lady here is going to be accompanying me, at least part of the way."

"You break that glass and we're all done for. They'll swarm in here and kill us." Mike pointed out.

"Yes…that's a tragedy isn't it. Or in Bisley's case, better than he deserves." Duane glared at Tim.

"I'm going to once more take the woman that you, dare I say, love, Bisley and I'm going to leave you to your fate." Duane laughed harshly at the look of anger that crossed Tim's face. "You can't seem to hold onto them for very long can you?"

Tim growled. "Let her go Duane, let her go and no one will follow you."

"You still don't get it do you Bisley? I want you to watch as I drag her out behind me and then, just maybe I'll toss her to some zombies as a snack so you can watch her be eaten. Or maybe they'll just bite her once and you'll have to shoot her like you did Sarah…that is if you're still alive." His voice was even darker and dripped with scorn.

Shaun put his arm around Kristi as he watched her start to shake in fear for her friend and outright fury. "You'll never get away Duane," he said knowingly. "Bastards like you never make it in cases like this. Karma and all that rot. It'll end badly."

"What the hell do you know you little prat? You're just an appliance salesman…" Duane said scornfully.

That's when it happened as Shaun had predicted, bad things occurred for Duane Benzie. He'd been inching closer to the window and the noise had reached outside the building. In a blaze of breaking glass glory, a mass of grey and bloody arms burst through and grabbed him from behind. He struggled in shock, his arm holding the gun flailing and accidentally shooting Tom Corbett square in the chest. Tom fell back against the wall, dead instantly. Daisy screamed and Leks quickly ran over and grabbed her, pulling her away.

Shaun pushed Kristi behind him, trying to keep her out of the way of anymore stray shots as he watched with a sense of deje vu the scene happening before him.

Duane struggled mightily, not letting go of Jess who was trying to break free of his hold that was now strangling her. This was easier said then done while she was trying to keep from being grabbed by the many hands that were appearing before her.

"Jess!" Tim cried out and quickly moved forward. He had to get her away from the bastard before he dragged her down with him.

Slick and Bernard watched in fascination as Duane was pulled half way through the window. It was like a train wreck really, they couldn't look away.

Duane finally dropped the shotgun as the biting began on his arm. Chunks of suit covered flesh were ripped away. He started screaming at that point, grey fingers pulling at his head. Jess struggled, but it was as if he were determined not to let her go. She was cursing at him, although the words were caught in her throat from his arm being so tight. Her vision was starting to go black and she knew she was going to die if he didn't let go.

Then out of the corner of her eye she saw a blonde headed blur and a greenish one appear. Over the sounds of moaning and groaning she heard a voice say, "Benzie you fucker, let her go!" Then the sound of something slamming against Duane hard, the vibration shaking her. Hands were grasping at Duane's arm, these trying to pull it off her. And then suddenly she was free…sort of.

She stumbled away from the window, Duane's arm still attached to her neck. It just wasn't attached to Duane anymore. The zombies had apparently done her a favor by biting the thing off. Tim was at her side a moment later, struggling to pull the thing off of her.

"You bloody prick…" He muttered at last ripping the thing away with Mike's help, then tossing it into the mass of hungry bodies. One of the male dead caught it and started beating his fellows away from him with it when they started trying to grab the juicy morsel away from him.

Tim grabbed Jess, hugging her tightly. "You okay?" he asked her.

"Yeah…no bites." She replied shakily.

"BISLEY…YOU BASTARD…." Duane managed to cry out and was silenced as fingers tore into his chest and stomach, ripping and clawing into his intestines with zeal. His other arm was ripped away, and his head torn from his neck.

Blood splattered onto the three of them in a gory spray and they quickly retreated further into the store.

Bernard shuddered where he stood next to Slick. She looked at him. "What's wrong? Fucker deserved it."

"I dunno…felt like someone just walked over my grave." He said, and lighting another cigarette picked up his sword. "Bastard destroyed my window."

Tim pulled Jess behind him, followed by Mike. "We need to get out of here! They're coming through!" Leks called out. She shook Tyres awake, and after he realized what was going on, he followed her to the back of the store.

Brian was already there waiting, cock in hand. "We…we're trapped aren't we."

"Nonsense!" Bernard said. "We just have to get these boards down, we can go out the alley."

"Here they come!" Mike shouted. He took aim and let loose a spray of bullets into the mob.

Shaun stayed next to Kristi as she fired Jack into the crowd. "Nice shot." He commented. And then gestured to her right, "Two o'clock!" She let go another arrow and nailed what used to be a blonde beautician square between the eyes. "Nice!" He smiled.

"Thank you, I'm here all week." She replied.

Tim, Bernard, and Tyres were ripping the boards from the door that led to the alley. "What happens when we get out there?" Daisy asked, still slightly in shock.

"We go for it," Slick said, pulling out her own sword. "And we either make it or go down fighting."

Jess grabbed her Klingon designed baby. "You got it sister."

Leks nodded. "All for one and one for all." Her sword gleamed in what little light was in the hall.

The door was now clear and Bernard, decided that since it was his shop these dead twits were destroying, he'd go first. "I might as well…at least it's not a pub toilet but my own bloody alley." Everyone gave him a strange look at the remark, but decided not to ask.

Slick leaned up and kissed his scruffy cheek. "Be careful Bernard, you still owe me a pub crawl."

"Don't fear my lady. I shall not let you down." He told her, words slightly slurred. He raised the sword in a salute, nearly cutting off his own nose and then went to the door.

It crossed Leks's mind that if a zombie did eat him they'd probably stay dead from the alcohol poisoning.

Mike, Shaun, and Kristi were backing up as the horde came closer. They were crashing and overturning everything in their path as they took over the book store.

"Mike!" Tim called out to them. "We're retreating, come on!"

"Gotcha Timmy!" The TA officer replied. Then with a snarl took down two more of the moaning reanimates.

Shaun and Kristi ran up to join the group where they stood. "I'm out of arrows." Kristi said breathlessly.

"Be ready, we're heading out." Tyres was pumped to go. He wanted to clobber something in the worst way. "Gonna do some damage…yeah..."

Bernard opened the door and stepped out into the alley. It was dark but he could see some shapes moving amongst the shadows, and they were getting closer. "Alright you shambling twats…come and get it." He took a healthy drag off his fag and readied himself for battle.

He was followed by Slick and then Brian, who was ready for this whole mess to be over with.

The closest of the zombies made for them and Bernard took a stumbling sweep at its head. He managed to lop off half of it, but it was enough. The thing fell dead at his feet. "Got you, you bugger!"

Slick started in on the next closest, swinging her sword like she'd just got off the set of Braveheart. She lopped the things head off in one swipe, cleanly through the neck.

Brian saw the one coming up behind Bernard before anyone else. Eyes wide, he knew it was up to him. He gripped the penis and with a mighty swing brought it down on the zombies head, crushing its skull. It crumpled to the ground. Bernard turned and saw the skinny artist standing there holding his weapon, looking down at the permanently dead zombie. "Hmm…nice cock shot."

Brian turned dark circled eyes to the Irishman. "Thank you."

The inside of the store was now swarming with the zombies. And Mike was getting low on ammo. He jumped and tumbled towards the back of the store, somersaulting into a standing position right behind Tim. "I'm getting low on the lead Tim Tim."

"Understood." Tim pumped the shotgun, dropping the spent shell onto the floor. "You ready to run?"

Yes sir." Mike was silent for a moment. "In case anything happens I want you to know…I love you."

"I love you too Mike." Tim replied.

"I really love you Tim." Mike said again.

Tim backed away a bit. "I really love you too Mike." He repeated.

"Can I have a hug?" The mustached solider asked in a little voice.

"Sure." His friend replied and hugged him, Mike returned the hug tightly. A little too tightly and kept holding on. "Uhm…Mike, now would be a good time to let go."

"Oh right…sorry…sorry." A little flustered he let him go.

Tim gave him a look and then turned to head out the alley. Jess had already headed out followed by Daisy, Leks, and Tyres. She was busily swinging her Betleh around in the air, hacking away at the ever increasing number of zombies. "That's my girl." He said and then ran out to join her.

Mike followed, shutting the door behind him to at least keep the wankers inside trapped a bit longer.

Tyres had found a fallen metal pipe next to a dumpster. He was swinging it like a pro, bashing head after head. There seemed to be no end to them, they kept on coming. "You want to dance? Do ya? Come on then, let's see what you got you foul steaming shite for brains!"

Daisy glanced over at him, and decided that the nutter was actually enjoying all of this. "Well," she decided, "if your going to go out, might as well go out fighting." She found the remains of an umbrella, the pointed end still in tact and sharp looking. "This is for you Tom." She thought to herself, and with a little yell ran up to one of the hulking dead walkers and jabbed the thing through the eye. "Hey, got one!" She cried happily.

"You go Daisy!" Kristi called over to her, swinging Jack in an arc and cracking him upside the head of zombie #234.

It went on like this for a while, but they were hopelessly outnumbered. At last Mike's bullets ran out, as did Tim's. Exhaustion was setting in. The zombies came through the door of the shop, tearing it from its hinges. They were trapped in the middle of the alley, zombies in front and zombies behind them.

Tim found himself back to back with Jess and Mike. "We're not gonna make it." Jess said softly, barely able to raise her arms anymore.

"Looks like." Mike said.

She turned to Tim. "Just so you know, I did have fun."

"So did I." He told her, a sad smile on his face. "I just wish…"

Suddenly the ground started vibrating causing them all to look around. Even the zombies were perplexed. Then the entire back of the shop exploded out in rain of wood and brick.

"Oh come on now…is that necessary?" Bernard said in disgust.

The front end of a very large metal army transport, complete with gun turret, was sticking out of the store. It had single handedly ran over nearly every zombie that had been inside and those that had been in front of it when it had come crashing through. The side door opened and a group of ten soldiers came swarming out, in full gear and carrying some very big guns. "Ready…aim…" one of them spoke.

Tim's eyes widened and he quickly grabbed Jess pulling her down, following Mike's example and flattening himself on the ground. Seeing this, everyone else but the zombies followed suit.

"FIRE!"

Gun fire hailed above them, cutting across the alley in a hot rain of death that Tim could feel on his back. When it stopped, there was an eerie silence all around them. He cautiously raised his head. The smell of fired guns and more disgusting aromas permeated the alley. Zombies lay all around. Parts of them, or whole bodies, littered the wet pavement.

Mike was the first to stand up. He was greeted by the officer who had given the order to shoot. "Sir." He saluted the man.

"Solider," The man saluted back. "Apologize for the delay. There was some interference with the device."

Tim stood, helping Jess up. "Device? What device?" He asked Mike.

"Oh, I never told you?" Mike looked a bit embarrassed. "I had a tracking device implanted."

"Implanted!" Tim's mouth fell open. "Implanted where?"

Mike patted his behind. "Me left cheek."

You have a tracking device in your ass?"

"Yep."

"Alrighty then." Tim decided to accept it and move on.

"Civilians, please follow us into the transport." The man with the big gun called out. "We will take you to a secure location where you will stay until this situation is resolved."

The rag tag fugitives headed onto the large metal vehicle. A few of the boys in camo gave Brian some stares as he still clutched the giant penis in his hands like a security blanket.

"Wow we made it." Jess said in awe.

"Yeppers," Kristi replied, happily having to sit on Shaun's lap due to lack of seating.

Bernard flopped down next to Slick. "Yes…let's hear it for survival." He said gloomily, thoughts on his ruined shop and destroyed home.

"Oh lord, I wonder what they did to our office?" Leks asked aloud.

"You probably don't want to know girly. If'ing this is any indication." Tyres pointed to the devastation of Black Books.

"Yes, thank you for the reminder that all of my possessions have been destroyed by a pack of ravening undead." Bernard said, lighting yet another cigarette as he mourned his wine.

"Don't you have insurance?" Slick asked, trying to cheer him up a bit.

"Insurance?" He repeated, "Manny would know…he's in Peru at the moment, the leech."

"Why Peru?"

"Fran convinced him it would be good for his soul."

"Who's Fran?"

"She used to own the gift shop next door. Now she just…drinks…a lot."

"Oh…" Slick nodded as if she understood.

The transport started with a jerk and turned down the alleyway, taking more of the store with it. Bernard convulsed slightly as the debris rained down on the roof, clanging loudly, sounding as if it was mocking him.

Jess settled next to Tim, resting her head on his shoulder. "So…sounds like we are going to be in close quarters for a while."

"Oh I'd say for the next day or two." He replied

"What do you have in mind to pass the time?"

Tim cocked a brow at her and she swore she could hear a choir singing.

Chapter 20

It was a month after what everyone was referring to as S-day. Things had gotten cleaned up, and the reasoning behind the re-animated dead was given. Apparently it wasn't infected monkey bites (what a pile of crap that one was), or toxic chemicals being in the drinking water. A space probe called Samaritan had landed early and incorrectly, and the space elements attached to it had spurred the bodies to come back as infectious zombies. Needless to say, the government was not happy with their space program.

Manny and Fran returned to the rubble of the shop, which was in fact insured for quite a bit. By way of a celebration, Bernard decided to take Slick along with him on a mini-vacation to the Wine Country of France. Manny had to spend a healthy chunk or the insurance money on bailing them out of jail three days after their arrival in Bordeaux.

Shaun and Kristi started dating, happily going to many a concert and browsing the music stores of London. She convinced him to start DJ'ing on weekends. Smiley Riley had returned with a vengeance. He still worked at Foree's, but on the weekends he was a God of the Turntable.

Daisy started work at Fangirl. Unfortunately the offices had been trashed and trashed badly. The first week they were allowed back, they had to start clearing up the mess.

"Lord, this is going to take forever." Leks said as she looked around the devastation.

"I've been looted!" Jess said, nearly crying. "God…all my stuff, they ripped my posters. SPIKE NO!"

Kristi came over and put an arm around her shoulders. "I know hon, I know." She gave her a squeeze. "We can rebuild it, we can make it stronger, faster."

"We're gonna need six million dollars to fix this." Slick said, freshly back from her stint at Le' Jail De France. She tossed the remains of what once was her statue of Gollum, but was now just a pair of knobby grey feet, into a wastebasket.

"OY…Look at the pool table! The rum is gone! Why is the rum gone!" Leks's voice carried from the break room.

Kristi looked over in horror. "The vodka! Is the vodka gone?"

"It's all gone!"

"NOOO!" Shatner would have been impressed with the yell Kristi let loose.

A few days later, a slight dent had been made in the mess, when Shaun, wearing his red stripped tie and name badge walked through the door, closely followed by Tim in a shirt that read "I did Seven Nine times".

"Ladies how goes it?" Shaun asked walking over and giving Kristi a kiss on her dusty cheek.

Daisy flopped down on a desk and sighed loudly. "Hot, sweaty, and not much fun."

Tim gave Jess a hug. "Hot and sweaty is a good start, but it sounds like you need some help with that last bit."

"Don't start something we can't finish Bisley. I've got work to do." Jess gave his tush a pinch.

"Owie…" He pouted at her. "Well I guess you don't want the surprise we brought you."

"What surprise?" Kristi asked Shaun.

He gave her a winning smile. "Bring it in mates."

Men in similar ties to his walked in carrying a very large box that read "PLASMA SCREEN" on the side. The girls eyes widened in disbelief. They were then followed by a couple more guys carrying a box that said "HOME THEATER"

"You didn't!" Kristi exclaimed.

"He did!" Slick said in unison with Leks.

"Well, it's not a pool table, but I thought it would help…" Anything else he would have said was muffled by Kristi's jump attack kiss that knocked him into the floor.

"You can't give us this." She told him after a minute of grade A snogging.

"Yes I can…I'm the manager remember? I'm the God…me!" He said in fake mania.

"Did I mention that I love you?"

"Not lately, but it's always good to hear."

Tim looked around. "Well, I guess it's my turn."

"What did you do?" Jess asked him.

He just grinned at her. "Can't let Captain Appliance beat me can I? Back in a sec."

A moment later in walked Brian, Tyres, and Mike each carrying a box labeled with each girls name on it followed by Tim. They dutifully placed the box on its corresponding desk. Tim handed Jess hers.

"What's this?" Jess asked.

"Open it." Tim said smiling.

She did as instructed. Inside was every collectable she'd had stolen, broken, or lost, in mint condition and a couple others she hadn't had before. "Tim…" she said in awe. "You…you replaced everything? And…and Ash! You got me ASH!" She pulled out the super deluxe 20 inch Bruce Campbell figure with detachable chainsaw hand, holding it like it was the most precious thing in the world.

"Yeah, well…have to represent The King don't I?" He grinned at her.

"Let me give you some sugar baby." She said in purring voice.

"Yes ma'am." He was never one to not follow orders.

"Give him some for me!" the other girls said in unison.

Bernard showed up a bit later. "The wine is here!" He announced proudly, lugging in a large wooden box filled with bottles.

"Yay!" Slick cried out and ran over to help him.

"Ah, a woman after my own heart." He said, his ever present cigarette bobbing between his lips.

"I just love you for your corkscrew," She replied saucily. "So hand it over."

"As my lady wishes." Bernard reached into his coat pocket and produced a corkscrew.

Shaun and his lackeys finished hooking up the theater system to the large TV. It was a thing of beauty, and Tim had to wipe a tear from his eye at the sight of it. From somewhere he produced a DVD of Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan. "We must deflower it with class." He said as to the reason he chose that particular film.

"You're a lucky woman Jess." Leks said.

"Yeah I know." Jess replied, "And he's got a nice ass too."

"Hey, I'm not an object." Tim said while he inserted the disc.

"What is this Star Trek of which you speak?" Bernard asked Slick as he took a drink of his white wine.

"Actually, I've seen this a few hundred times. You might not like it." Slick told him, and then drank down the rest of her wine. "Let me show you something quite remarkable."

"What is it?" Bernard drank down the rest of his glass.

"It's this marvelous closet. I can't believe how big it is. Let me show you." She took him by his clammy hand and led him down the hall.

As Tim settled in next to Jess she shook her head and looked over at Kristi who was cozied up with Shaun. "Something's never change."

Kristi smiled "Not the good stuff anyway."

THE END!


End file.
